Singular or Plural

This posts is one that comes from "the deep inside." The deep insinde is a place that I don't let out very often, the place that is ephemeral, a place which is undefined but but exactly you. The palce that no one but only a few really understand. It's esoteric becuase it doesn't make sense, at least not to the larger public but it still exists; it is part of us that draws on us, when you least expect it and even when you don't want it.

This posts relates to what I've been experiencing through friends indirectly for the past few months. Now those feelings have something to draw on, where I can somewhat relate, but relate from the opposite prospective. I know this is probably going to be an over-the-top post but here goes. Singluar or Plural.

My struggle these days is exactly this; which is better, singular or plural? At one point in time I was part of the singlar, longing for the plural, but now I'm in plural wondering about the nature of the singular. I feel a bit uneasy, not clear in thought, but it crosses my mind ever so often.

Plain talk, my friends or best friend I should say always complains to me about being single. I have kind of lost my grounding on that subject because quiet frankly, I don't really remember what it was like and I find it hard to relate. I keep telling them that things aren't that bad, that things will get better and that being in that singular state is not the end of the world, but a means to a beginning. A means to start another story which may take some time but at the end of the day, if the novel is written correctly, it will be worth it. Not incomplete or hurried but a master piece that evokes all the senses. It will provoke the feelings that we want it to provoke. A feeling not rushed even though greatly desired. But at the same time, I feel extremely juvenile, like I'm not seeing the grand picture.

Well today,it crossed my mind...what is it like on the other side, is the grass greener in some ways? Is it better, would I be better off? Help me out here, what are the pros and the cons, the good and the bad, the benefits and the sacrifices.


Deep in, deep in thought,
Special K

The Debriefing

Well, I know I show up like a lunar eclipse every few months or so. It's partly because of time but honestly, it's because I've been consciously avoiding it. I miss reading other people's posts but time really does not at this time allow it. Besides that, the real reason I've been keeping myself away is because I'm waiting for the "BIG POST". You know, "the post" that says everything is GREAT and I'VE FINALLY MADE IT and that everything is turning around and going GREAT in my life. But that posts seems farther away than I would like it to be. I'm tired of writing posts about my problems..I want to write about victory so that I can inspire other readers and not necessarily have them re-inspire me because I can't figure out where I'm going. I want to be admired as that person that has accomplished everything he set out for...but, I'm not really there as yet. See, if you've been following my monthly (laughing to myself about how sad that is) posts you'd realize that it's been one major problem after the next and I want MORE!!! I want everything that I set my mind to, to happen.

Now, back to reality I'll let you know what's really been going down. I've been joggling school, work and life and my relationship..all of which I'm extremely grateful to even have. Now...here's the thing I have all these things but I want more!! I want my GPA to go up one more point, I want a new job (permanent one that pays 40,000 + O/T w/ benefits in at a good law firm in Manhattan specifically) to replace my two current jobs (temp. Paralegal and Lab Assistant). I also want to have an apt. so I don't have to worry about where I'm gonna chill with my boi. I want a car on the way (thinking about a used BMW or Honda Accord). I also would like to have my school bill paid off and get up to 175 pounds of muscle (I'm 168 right now) and get my abs and skin back to spotless. I honestly am going full speed ahead in order to have all these things accomplished by June. There is one silver lining in this gloomy fog: If you remember last posts I didn't have a job at a law firm. Luckily, I was offered a temp. position as an estates paralegal on Wall St. at a notable law firm. It's funny because I was actually interviewing for a full time positions but they wanted me to start right then. I couldn't because I was in school. I was surprised they even called me back. There is one disappointment though, I snooped around and found out there starting salary is below what I'd like to start out at so I'm looking around still.

This brings me to tonight's self analysis. A good older friend who is pretty established keeps telling me that I am too worried about the future and that I will be fine. But, am I too worried, I know I got a good head on my shoulders, but I can't eat (or buy that BMW based on that). What do you think?

Besides all this, I'm thinking about becoming a Biology teacher.(WHAT??!!!!) Yes I know, after all this talk about working at a law firm and all that jazz, I wanna go teach your kids lol. We'll I did my research and found out that science teachers are in really high demand. I also found out that they start at 45, 000 and have a pay increase of 7,000 per year after that. They also get crazy benefits and tenure. So the cash register in my head started to ring. I also met a teacher in a school in the city and he's trying to hook me up. After all, I really miss science and it was my first passion. But who knows where this year will lead me. There is a lot more to write but I got work in the morning. This is after all, just a debriefing.

Goodnight

An Employed Special K that should not be up because he has work in the morning..lol