My Staff and My Rock

Now, in life we need certain people to help us go on. When I first came to this country...I didn't have any friends and didn't know anyone...I had no shoulder to lean on...no one to listen to my problems, because of that I depended on potential relationships and at one point in time my first b/f. That had a big impact on me when the relationship was over. I was distraught because I was losing a good friend and lover, and what the break up meant was complete lonliness for me. Things got so bad that I went to see a psychologist more than once to manage the pain. I was severely depressed and would find myself crying uncontrollably in the middle of class and I'd have to put my head down to avoid anyone seeing. I also didn't eat for 2 weeks, I felt I was screaming on the inside and questioned my self, my life and what was; who I was. I felt insecure because I had done something that wasn't me, something that just didn't make sense.

But since then things have changed. Over time I have grown into serious relationships with two invaluable people in my life: Karim and Alex. I now have my rock and my staff. This posts comes at a time when they have secured me to the ground when irremovable things like gravity seem to be escaping me. My two best friends who have proven their sincerity and care for me beyond a doubt. They have been my guidance in times of darkness. Right now the light has gone and I can't find my way. A time when trust has been lost and I'm looking for that icon in life which will represent stability and security. It's funny when you feel comforatble telling another guy "I love you" when there are no romantic feelings involved; it's genuine and heartfelt. It isa  pure understand between to people (two brothers) that have developed to rival the bonds on family. They have supported me 100% through out my previously relationship and have reassured me when control seemed to escape me; times when I have no idea what to do and I felt weak. They vicariously go through what I go through, and I go through what they go through. It's a bond; a deep brotherhood. They are my rock and my staff. 

I see different elements of myself in both of them. In Karim I see my heart, my hopelessly romantic nature, a dedication to love and principle, I see his purity and I see myself. We both have high standards which other people may never understand. We share very similar feelings about love and relationships--both of us being extremley relationship oriented. Karim and I are not citizens and sometimes relating to people on that level has been tough because they will never understand my drive and ambition and what it is to be disappointed. But I understood his struggle and he understood mine. It's  a stuggle for life and freedom. This is the guy that calls me from France at least once a week just ask me how my relationship is going and if I'm ok. This person means the world to me and he might as well be my brother. 

Now Alex, is the most caring person I've probably ever met. Dependable, trustworthy  and determined to please everyone (well people that he likes anyway). I see myself in him in his masculinity and frank way we think about things at times. He helps me see what I can't see when my mind is clouded; he is my reason. He really appeals to my masculine nature the most. When I chill with him or talk to him I feel like I'm talking to one of my frat brothers but with him I don't have to hide who I am. If I cried a little, he wouldn't think less of me. But Alex has an underlying nature that is unparalleled by anyone else I've ever met. The funny thing is he's never been in a real relationship before but, for him I'm sure that when it happens it will be real. It will be what he's been waiting for, for the past few year. He is so good natured it's ridiculous. He cares so much it's amazing. So Alex I love you like a brother. Be there for me and I'l always be there for you.

- A very Special K

- Next post will be about this new apt. 

So this is to my two best friends: my rock and my staff, Alex and Karim. I love you guys dearly.