OMG!!!!

Aight aight...haven't been around to give ya'll a post. I actually had soooo much damn material that I didn't know what to do with it. I was planning a very nice article about this kid at my school and his experience coming out to his African family and his mother and sister disowning him. It would have been soooo damn interesting and educational for our community. It was crazy how his shyt went down. His sister wrote him this crazy-ass letter stating how she never had a brother and she was going to kill him with her own hands. She claimed that he forgot his culture and was evil and she ould never ever forgive him for what he had done till the day she dies. It wasn't a nice experience at all for the young man but it was certainly a reality check for those of us that have the privilege of being honest with our family members (not including myself). What brought a great extent of gravity to the situation was thatthis kid is a Freshman and 16 at that!!!!!!

Needless t say they kid is out at school (didn't take much to tell) and someone who aparently dislikes him facebooked his sister stating that he was he alledged lover. Damn, that's why I don't let people know my business cuz NIGGAZ S GRIMMY!!. Man I was plannnin gthat posts for so long I was going to post the letter that she wrote and everytign (with permission of course). I mean it wasn't so much the drama associated that really brought up my desire to wite abut it but every now and then i allows us to appreciate how much freedim gay/bi people haev in America. Sometimes we really take it for granted.He apparently lost the letter. If he ever finds it I'll right a full post on that.

Anyway, want to know what I've been doing for so long? Here's the list:

- Had my midterm exam

- Spent time with my prince (spoiled prince, but yet still a prince (wink, wink):-)

- Planned an event ( I plan events at school)

- Did (and currently doing research for my undergraduate thesis on No-Fault Insurance Laws in NY State and the benefit the insurance companies rather than Medical Practitioners (Sounds boring but its really not!!!) - If you are a law student hit me up!!!!

- Worked at my regular campus job

- Worked at my internship 2 days a week (was able to settle 3 cases (-:)

- Attended various meetings, committees, etc.

- Did flyer work (hobby)

- Went to Philly last weekend for my other job (Upward Bound). Good thing is hotel, meals and expenses were all paid for and I still got paid!!!! (-:

- Studying for my upcoming exam

- Went home twice to visit family

- Browsing apartments

- Planning my trip back to Trini, hopefully everything will go well (leaving on Christmas Day)

- Spent some more time with my prince

- Looked around for his X-mas gift

- Computer gave out on me just wont turn on!!!!

- Went to see my best friend (subject of the last article)..see below for update.

- Got tested - I'm CLEAN (thank God!!!)

- Looking forward to catching up on work during Thanksgiving


Update: Since the last post I went to see my best friend. The situation has gotten a bit better. He's taken a lot of responsibility upon his shoulders. He is currently staying at shelter for displaced teens. It's not the best but it's clean, safe and constant. He applied to a NY Sate program called Job-core. So he will be sending him off to up-state NY for a few months in order to train him for a job and help to put his life together. They also assist with job-placement and finding affordable housing. He's really eliminated a lot of distracting elements from his life. His phonebook went from 250 to 30 contacts and he broke up with his dude (or rather the other way around). He got a job at a restaurant until he goes upstate. Still hasn't spoke with his Mum or sister. The situation is pretty messed up because he's not a dull person, he speaks 6 languages!!!!

Here are some pix I took Last night.

In Friendship we Trust...

Well, I promised I would continue where I left off last time. I know a lot of people have been asking me for details about the last post but I would like to keep my relationship as private as possible out of respect for my boi and out of maturity. Now, I would like to go on to the second topic at hand: best friends. Now I'm going to relate a situation that I experienced and I'm going to try to be as impartial and remove my feeling from this as much as possible.
Now, I'm going through this whole phase where I'm attempting to save a lot as I'm preparing to leave college and I would like make a good start on my own. Now, my best friend of about 3.5 years who is also the first gay person I ever met in this country needed some help with his bills. I'm not in a position to help someone out but I was this time so I did. I loaned him some money. I made the sacrifice to lend him the money contingent that he would pay me back the following Friday. Now I didn't even suggest this date, he did. I called him that Friday when it was due and he said he was at his b/f's house. So I forget about it and I allow him some time. Here's where the problem occurs. I call homeboi a few times the following week. Not because I really needed the money but I'm trying to get as financially stable as possible for the future. When I have to step out in the real world and I have to pay my own bills I want to have something to fall back on. However, homeboi basically avoids my calls and doesn't respond to my IMs, signs on then quickly signs off, etc. So I realize that he's avoiding because we talk at least once per week. I decided to call him on my work phone number (which he doesn't have). Bingo! Homeboi answers the phone.

Me: How you been?
Best F.: I'm ok.
Me: What are you doin, what have you been up to?
Best F.: I'm chilling here at my friends house.
Me; Hey listen do you think you'll be able to pay be back today?
Best: F.: Yea sure.
Me: We'll do you want to meet after work at McDonald's?
Best F.: Yea I can do that.
Me: Call me when you get there.
Best F.: Ok.

We'll needless to say, homeboi stood me up and would not answer his phone after I called several times. This was the second time in about 1 week he did this. After this he still would not answer his phone and now doesn't even answer from my work phone. By then I had confirmed all my suspicions. My thing is, I'm not a materialistic person so I didn't care about the money. However, he really disappointed me by lying to me several times and showed a lot of disrespect by standing me up and letting me waste my time more than once. If I was really super broke I wouldn't not have been able to get get to work or pay my phone bill or anything and usually this is the case. However, I felt really hurt to know that he didn't respect me enough to tell me the truth. Honestly all I wanted was: a simple "I don't have to money right now but I'll pay you back as soon as I can."
Later on I sent him a text message explaining to him about how disappointed and upset I was that he was dishonest with me. He apologized and I found out that he was really having some personal and financial problems and needed to take care of them. Now I have no problem. I came from a poor family and I'm fighting tooth and nail to make my way up, I know what it's like to struggle and I've been on my own since the beginning. My best friend being dishonest with me didn't not help. I keep certain people by me because I can trust them, he is one. I still love him very much and I want him to get on his life together very much. Just wish he had been real with me.

My Friends have no idea how dearly I love them,
A Forgiving Special K

Just Like Me...

So this one is entitled just like me. I know I left you all for a while and I didn't seem like I was going to return. However, I returned for the true, loyal friends and readership that I have accumulated and are still hear. I still feel very grateful for everyone in my life and I see a very happy future ahead for me. So I've been spending a lot of time with my boi and things have been going well. Now I go into relationships expecting to approach some difficult question or time. I know everyone is not perfect including myself. However, this weekend I found out something about my boi that I really wasn't expecting. I mean he really didn't seem like the type so he caught me really off-guard. I was doing some work on his computer and I came across some documents that really hit me hard. It wasn't really what was on there that got to me but the extent of it. It really made me think whether I really knew this person or not. I'm usually a good judge or character and often I know things before people tell me but I didn't see this one coming. When I saw this I didn't know how to react it mostly brought shock and a question as to why it was there. The first thing we seem to do is judge the person but i forced myself to find to best way out. It just goes to show that as soon as you got things all figured out life shows that you can be extremely clueless. I mean it really wasn't as serious as the last long-term who turned out to be a one-hit pornstar wonder (if there is such a thing) but I ended up with him because he told me on our second date and didn't lie like so many others would have. It seems that people have been asking me to question my perception of them a lot lately. This is the second incident where a close person did something that was unexpected of them but I'll leave that for another post which I will be writing soon. So why did I name this post "Just Like Me?". That's because I've always tried to find someone who was just like me but that never seems to come through 100%.
So what do you do when the one you love shows you a different side of them that you didn't expect? Do you accept them or change them?

It feels good to be back,
Special K

Sittin' on Top of the World..

Ever have that feeling where you don't really want to do the old things you used to do and you no longer have to depend on certain things to carry you through your day? Well that's how I feel. Happiness in so much more. I'm at the secure point in my life where I really feel fulfilled, stable and prepared for the future. I'm focused and confident in the future and ready to forge ahead. Decisions seem more well thought out and well placed. A place in life where you feel like your beginning to make use of your manhood. MAN IT FEELS GOOD TO GROW. I feel the culmination of you developing into your manhood is really finding the one that is going to be by your side, your personal sidekick, agent, partner-in-crime (and other things, lol), and the part of your life you really and truly live for. Real men know that money, material goods and popularity don't mean anything. A place of reverence and exceptional maturity, a feeling of giving of ones self and allowing yourself to create happiness for others. A place of security and beautiful humanity. I feel like I been blessed with the qualities I need. We are social by nature for a reason; it's imperative for our survival.

Now on to other matters. It's amazing that some people today still find themselves doing exactly what they shouldn't be doing in order to achieve the goals that they find themselves unable to achieve on their own. Now, when you're happy this is the time when people who are unhappy with their own lives (and in this case, admittedly so) try to bring you down. 95% of the time these people are cowards. Don't give me wrong, it's not that way with the majority of people. It's reserved to a small pathetic few. Those people that sit an examine their life and realise, "Hey, I'm not happy, theirs no one (worth it) who loves me, I don't have any real friends and I'll never be a good person, so you know what; I'll have to make the people who I most want to be like just as miserable as me. This way I can get them to give me unnecessary attention." Fortunately, this never works on genuine people. But here's to those who really never know what they are doing but think that they can break something that is pretty much unbreakable; trying to make other people's life worse will never equal your life getting better. I mean come on, you really gotta try harder (or maybe smarter) than that. Hater's never win cause we're still on top of the world!!!!!

A Very Excited, Confident & Grateful,
Special K

Like a Virgin Touched for the Very First Time....

Well its been 1 year, 7 months, and 15 days since the last time I did the dirty deed. Well you guys might be wondering why I'm putting all my business out there...the truth is, I'm proud of it. I'm happy I did it and I'm happy about where it happened, how it happened and who it happened with. Growing up and learning about myself has shown me that I don't need to experience things in order to learn them. I can learn from the experiences of others. Waiting also gave me a better understanding of myself and for some reason now I understand why things didn't happen even when I thought they would. Things didn't always go as planned. They happen when they needed to happen and with whom they are suppose to happen with. If it happened when I wanted it to then it would not have been nearly as special as this. Ain't nothing better than knowing that the other person is putting in as much as you are and that moment means as much to them as it does to you. Of course there weren't any fireworks nor did the right song come on at exactly the right moment but those things are not what make that moment of last innocence special. You only know if it was right when your done, the testosterone has settled and you're laying there and they are asleep but your still awake thinking about it. GOD damn it..that shyt was good!!! What a way to put me back in the game. I'm not gonna say it's like riding a bike cuz it just not that simple. Half of these niggaz don't even have the slightest idea of how to put it in. This time it felt new again: like a virgin, touched for the very first time. I almost couldn't remember what it was like but apparently I haven't lost my touch at all....that type of shyt that make you wanna smoke something after (that is if I did smoke)...

Here's to the simple but valuable pleasures in life,

A very Satisfied and Content,

Special K

I figured it out...I know the secret to happiness..

Now I'm going to make this post short...this summer has indeed been the type of summer that I anticipated it to be and I have so much going on right now its pretty unbelievable. Your boy has been pretty much bee blessed over and over again so for once I'm really smiling. Well I guess the biggest accomplishment this summer is that I figured out what makes me happy..the funny thing is its so simple and obvious but very true and unique to me. I never really understood it but I know I've always been this way. All it took what a matter of looking at things in prospective. The good thing is once you know what makes you happy you also know the one thing that can make you the most sad. In anticipation of heart break you do your best to prevent it. Even though losing it can cause the most stressful experiences. Giving love and caring for someone else makes me happy!!!!!!!! We'll I don't know how exciting that is to you readers but its really exciting to me because it means the world. It means that I've found the door to my unconditional happiness in my life time. I'm not talking about the "charity" kind of love or care even though I seem to be very partial to that kind of activity. I guess love means alot to me because I have seen the contrast between exceptional love and a far-fetched expression of it. But I know how it feels in side to feel the real thing, in my case it feels even better when I give it. As they say in life there are two types of ppl, givers and takers, it seems that quite frankly I'm a giver. Instead of searching for love, it makes me more happy to find someone I can give it to. What makes my life worth it is knowing that I can put a genuine smile on someone else's face and a feeling of love in their heart. The fact that I've swept them off there feet makes me feel extremely good inside. For me this explains alot of things in terms of how I interact with people. It explains why I'm 90% of the time the initiator. It explains why why I'm never really disappointed even after investing alot in something. It means that I've solved the puzzle that so many people are take sabbaticals and trips to Europe to figure out. Fuck a horoscope..no random magician can tell you who you are and tell you your path to happiness. Find it in yourself. Here's to happiness and contentment of which I've found. God forbid if I die tonight but I know I'll die a happy man.

- A Complete Special K

P.S. hope you didn't through up after all this lovey dovey stuff..lol

Safer Sex: Using Your Head....

Very few things we do when having sex are likely to result in HIV. When you know the basics of how HIV can be passed on, you can decide what means for you. For a sexual activity to pass on HIV there has to be:

a person
a bodily fluid with HIV in it (cum or blood)
enough HIV in that fluid to be passed on
another person
a way for the HIV to get into the other person's bloodstream
Without all of these things, it is impossible for HIV to be passed on. The amount of HIV in the blood and cum of a person varies over time. The more virus there is, the more chance there is of being able to pass on HIV. This is called viral load. A person has the greatest viral load and is most able to pass on HIV immediately after they have just gotten HIV themselves (and may not even know they have HIV). So let's look at what we enjoy doing and how to reduce the chance of HIV being passed on.





HIV cannot be spread by spit. There is no evidence that kissing or cuddling could lead to HIV being passed on. However, try to avoid deep kissing if both you and your partner have:

open mouth sores
open cuts in the mouth
bleeding lips or gums as these involve blood and there's a small chance of HIV being passed on.


: Mutual Masturbation
HIV is NOT passed on by:

wanking, either alone or with someone else
massage and body stroking
cumming on somebody (if there are no open cuts or sores) Avoid using someone else's cum as a lubricant. It might enter the tip of the cock, or small abrasions on your cock. This might allow HIV to be passed into the blood stream.



Sucking and being sucked
HIV is not passed on from the mouth to someone else's cock. There are a small number of recorded cases of people getting HIV from taking cum into their mouth. In almost all of the cases the person had herpes sores, cuts or infections in their mouth. It isn't easy for HIV to enter the bloodstream via the mouth or throat. If you're and there is any bleeding in your mouth, or if you have a gum disease or other oral infections (such as a sore throat) take extra care. Brushing your teeth before oral sex can give you bleeding gums. To be really safe, you can pull his cock out of your mouth before he cums, so that you do not get cum in your mouth. A condom on the cock you're sucking is an ultra-safe strategy.

: Licking out
Rimming, licking another person's arse, does not pass on HIV. However, some other serious illnesses such as viral hepatitis are easily passed on this way. You can use sheets of clear plastic food wrap or a dental dam as protection.

: Passive fucking
If you're , being fucked by another guy's cock up your arse without a condom is the most likely way of getting HIV, if you're not 100% certain of your partner's HIV status, or if you know your sex partner is . Cum that carries HIV can easily enter the bloodstream through the lining of the arse and through small cuts or abrasions that occur during fucking. Having your sex partner use a condom with a water-based lubricant is the best way to reduce the chances of getting or giving HIV or other STDs.

: Active fucking
If you're , fucking another guy up the arse without a condom on your cock is another likely way of getting HIV, if you're not 100% certain of your sex partner's HIV status, or if you know your sex partner is . Many guys think that because they're the one doing the fucking, the HIV can't enter their body. but it can enter the cock through the opening at the tip (the meatus), or through tiny cuts or scratches on the cock. Reduce the chances of getting or giving HIV by using a condom and a water-based lubricant.




Try experimenting with condoms before using them for sex. Get yourself used to the feel of them. Wank with them on. Try tearing one or two while you've got them on, so that you can feel what that's like. You can feel the difference, so that if a condom tears when you're fucking, you'll know when to pull out.

Put the condom on before starting to fuck, not just before you're about to cum.
When putting the condom on, squeeze the air out of the tip first. Roll the condom all the way down to the base of your cock to prevent it slipping off.
If you're uncircumcised, pull your foreskin back before fitting the condom on. You might need to practice to find out how to get a condom to stay on.
Choose a brand of condoms that suits your cock size and shape.





: Pulling out
Withdrawal (pulling out before cumming) does not protect you from giving or getting HIV. Some guys do this as a way to have the thrill of fucking without using condoms, thinking that if the person fucking pulls out in time, this counts as safe sex. This isn't true. Withdrawal can still lead to HIV being passed on because:

if you're the active partner (the one doing the fucking) blood from your partner's arse can still enter the hole at the tip of your cock, or get into tiny scratches or cuts on your cock.
if you're the passive partner (the one being fucked), there's no guarantee that your partner won't cum in your arse. Withdrawal before orgasm is a very difficult thing to time perfectly! Again, using condoms and a water-based lubricant can prevent this risk. Many gay men in Australia who have recently tested reported that they thought withdrawal was safe.




Some people will tell you that condoms often break. However, often the mistakes that people make that lead to condom breakage can be easily corrected. Condoms aren't 100% reliable, but using them correctly is the best way there is to make fucking safe. Remember the following:

Use lots of water-based lubricant such as KY jelly, Wet Stuff, Glyde or Lubafax. Some people mistakenly use oil based lubricants like Vaseline, baby oil, hand creams, Intensive Care or other oil based lubes, without realising that these actually dissolve the latex of the condom, leading to breakages.
Check the use by date on your condoms. Avoid using out-of-date condoms.
Be sure to buy condoms made to Australian standards-check the outside of the pack.
Never leave condoms out in the sun, or near any sharp objects that might damage them, or in the glove box of your car for a prolonged period of time.
Don't store your condoms near extreme heat or cold.
Don't use ultra-thin condoms as these are designed for vaginal sex. Anal sex puts more stress on condoms. Use extra strength condoms for anal sex.



"Negotiated Safety"
Some people who share the same known HIV status choose to fuck without condoms. This can only be safe when you both know for certain that you're bothor both . Discuss with your partner how important it is for you to fuck without condoms. If it's not that important, then keep using them. If you want to fuck without condoms, then here are some steps you could follow:

If you're both
Talk with your doctor about the possible effects of being exposed to another strain of the virus. It's your choice to enjoy unprotected fucking with anotherperson if you both want to.

If you think you're both
If you both want to fuck without condoms, then both get tested for HIV. Be completely honest about your results, or agree to go and get tested and collect your results together. What would it mean if one of you had HIV and the other didn't? Talk about this first. If it would mean the end of the relationship then maybe you should just keep using condoms? Continue to use condoms every time you fuck for 3 months after either of you could possibly have come into contact with HIV. After 3 months, both get tested again.

If one of you has HIV and the other does not
Keep using condoms and water-based lubricant every time you fuck. If you need support around this contact the PLC (Positive Living Centre) or other agencies listed on the Directory page.

If you know you're both
Discuss your future plans. Make a commitment to each other that you'll avoid fucking outside of your relationship (this strategy is more successful) or that if either of you fuck with anyone else you will use condoms (this strategy is less successful). You will need to make a decision about trusting each other. Make a commitment that if either of you has a slip-up or an accident that results in unsafe sex outside of the relationship, you'll agree to tell the other immediately. You'll need to go back to safe sex until you've both been tested twice again 3 months apart.

Talk with each other about how slip-ups or accidents might happen. Agree in advance that it won't mean the end of your relationship. Don't punish your partner for being honest.
You might want to agree in advance that either partner can insist on using condoms again, without having to explain why.
If all of this seems like too much to handle, then keep using condoms whenever you fuck.



HIV can be passed on during vaginal sex. The virus is found in both cum and vaginal fluids. If you're fucking with a woman the best way to prevent HIV being passed on either way is to use a condom with water-based lubricant.HIV is unlikely to be passed on in oral sex when a man is going down on a woman although the risk increases if there is menstrual blood. If there are cuts or sores on the man's mouth sheets of clear plastic food wrap, or a dental dam, can be used to protect against HIV being passed on. Check out the range of heterosexual safe sex information available.



Using drugs or alcohol might affect your ability to make sensible decisions about having safe sex, and your ability to let your partner know what you want. It's a good idea to make the choice to be prepared for safe sex before using drugs and alcohol. Making sure you've always got condoms and water-based lubricant with you can make it easier decision to have sex without regret.



If you inject drugs remember that each person should use a new clean needle and other equipment every time. Do not share needles, swabs, spoons, filters or tourniquets! SAVIVE at the AIDS Council of South Australia offers a 24 hour needle exchange. Cleaning fits for 5 minutes with strong bleach is not 100% safe. Ring SAVIVE on (08) 362 9299 for further information.



Being committed to safe sex all the time isn't easy. There are always going to be times when it's hard to stick to safe sex. It's important to be able to talk about this with people we trust. We should not be judgmental if friends tell us that they have had a slip-up. Most gay men can remember or imagine what leads to an unsafe incident. Remember that slip-ups don't mean we've gone off the rails or that we are bad. Just make the decision to have safe sex in future-for a long life enjoying sex without regret.


Source: http://www.managingdesire.org/GaySexWithoutRegret.html