Pen to paper….Mr. K has really been thinking this week, I have been thinking about two things….I’ve been thinking about my future and who I am. I’ve been thinking about maturity and a lot of stuff a 22 year old shouldn’t be thinking…and it’s a little unsettling, but most people I’ve talk to think its a really good thing to be mature at this age.
I am not sure if it’s quiet normal for someone like me…but, I’ve been thinking about a family, a relationship and a career. I just believe in that. I’ve been a big romantic; relationship oriented since I was little…I was sitting in my friends car and I was thinking...I was quiet…and he asked me why...I told him exactly that; I was thinking..the song..”Angel of Mine” was playing…a song I haven’t heard for sometime...it reminded me of when I was little...I grew up with my mum and spent a lot of time at home alone while she was working and all I would have to keep me company on a Saturday night was my radio...these older songs meant a lot to me..they had meaning, they had sole…It reminded me of what I wanted, it reminded me that I’m the same person today that I was 10 years ago at 12.
It reminded me that I was made to care, to love and protect someone…the love and cherish them…to grow old with them and get married and raise children and meet there parents…and them to meet mine...to become a permanent fixture in their lives…to bring children into this world and raise them...show them love and affection...teach them to see right from wrong…help them become there own adults…educated in life, love and in academics…to see them bear children…to become men and women..world leaders, teachers, counselors….artists...
I’m weird, I want the life with the husband, the 2 kids, the SUV (maybe a motorbike as well) and a white picket fence (scap that, I want a brownstone in Brooklyn Heights, forget the picket fence). I’m not living in a dream world, I believe it's a possibility...
I’m going to be open to love again…
The second topic…I don’t know if it is too soon to say anything…cuz I’m still trying to recover…something small happened this week which I wanted to address…its obvious that my two year relationship ended…and by no means am I happy about that. At the time it ended, I was finally starting to see the beginnings of the vision I explained above…but I feel as though...I’m still not ready to talk about it because I need to be neutral…
I want to discuss friendships and relationships…our relationship ended but I never wanted to loose our friendship…when u are that involved with someone..you share your entire life with them...I have built a lot with this person and don’t want the friendship to end…the conversations are my memoirs from the past…they are the things which endeared us to be who we were in each others lives...I feel as though I must be careful with tense here…The things which I will remember are the normal times times…the times I encouraged you…the times when a very simple hug helped me to feel like a man. The times when we talked about your family your friends and your past..the things that meant the most. The times when we discussed your future...and we decided that we wanted to have children...I still want the best for you. The times when we discussed my career and what I wanted...and what I had in store...the times when I expressed how much I love my mum and my niece and realized that I live for them. So don’t ever attempt to take away our friendship as you have…please remember that our relationship and friendship are not synonymous..
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6 comments:
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Remember that night we were walking downtown...we been walking a lot...and on our way I was telling you how Impressed I was by the things u do ..
you are young, smart, handsome, ambicious, sweet as hell...you got everything going on for yourself and I told you that about a year ago...and I was being so sincere. You are one of a kind and I need u to remember that every single minute God makes !
You have dreams it's true..we all do...but I wont take you giving up on them at the age of 22... cause I know that they will happen for sure...
I hope that one bad apple doesn't ruin the rest of your tree. You seem like a great person whom is more than capable of achieving all that you want in life. In addition to that, I believe finding the right person to share it all with will not be as hard as you think. You are more noble than I because I would not extend friendship to someone who has caused me so much grief. Good luck.
Maybe time will give us the power to heal but for now, time tells me that the relationship we had, and the friendship thats implied are very much synonymous for one another. I remember some months ago you said that we couldn't be friends that time things went bad. The difference is I believe you Now. This is in no way, shape or form discrediting the good times we've had and the time we've spent together. I cant be your friend. We were never friends. I dont mean that in a bad way either. From day one we were always on a different level. It will never work; not yet at least. I cant have you this close and have it feel worlds apart.
I will keep up what I said I'd do, but now I've got to say a friendly goodbye and good luck.
This post was interesting...
Maybe we're alike or maybe what we're experiencing is not all that uncommon! The things in this post I've been pondering since I was 20...
As they say, when one door closes another opens. I've come to terms in life that nothing is forever and that when things happen you learn from it and try to do better. Some succeed with that while others fail.
With your past your relationship, it is their loss. To lose out on someone that has so much going for themselves and just an overall great person sucks.
But that's life.
But it's possible to have all that you listed, but you just have to patient, my friend. You are young. No need to rush the inevitable. Just keep your focus on the goal and I'm sure it will come to you. REMEMBER...all good things come to he who waits.
Much Love and Respect
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