So I’ve finally completely closed the last chapter of my life, feels good because I’m letting go. I won’t remain sad about this anymore…so now I’d like to believe we are friends…and for me no animosity exists. I am not angry or blaming myself for the demise and I have let all the guilt go. I had a part to play in it but I can only hold on to that for so long…and for me I have forgiven myself and chosen to take this time to improve myself and not make the same mistake in the future.
Maybe something will come along that will show me something that I’ve never seen before. I’ve learnt from my mistake and feel a bit wiser. So, I guess I’m on my own, but no sadness here. I don’t believe I’m complete ready to date but I will try. There will be no BGC or A4A for me; expecting things to happen on their own.
Although I’ve known this already, I know I’m the type of dude that is really the settle down and just have a stable life style-have a kid or two, type of dude. No drama or mysteries here. And while that reality may not exist for a while, I’m not in any hurry. I don’t feel that urge for physical and mental comfort that some people express form being single. But that’s a healthy feeling for me. I need my independence so when something finally does go down I know it’s not because I’m depending on them for any form of comfort but that they really add to my life in a way that cannot be replicated. That’s how you know when love really exists, when it cannot be replaced with something else.
On another note, I caught up with an old friend today, an old roommie from college. I roomed with him for 3 years, so it was good to hear from him. He is doing ok, broke up with his dude, and having a bit of a job getting a respectable job but I was just really glad to hear from him. On the good side of things, he is an artist and I got to see him perform last week. He is getting better and better and I can really see him on the big stage. A gay rapper/beat maker…this is going to be interesting. We really need innovators like him. He had moved to NC for a while but now he is back in NJ. He is also taking off on a mini tour. So as I get dates and locations I will post them so if you want you can show your support. He is actually going to be touring with some comedians. He is the only rap act but he is actually pretty funny too. I was telling him the other day that can see Kanye using his beats because they are really unique. His beats kinda sound like an American version of M.I.A’s beats—a bit deeper and more masculine.
One good thing..I just realized that I can read blogs at work yay!!! Well most of them, the popular one’s they have managed to block, so I’ll be able to keep a bit more updated. This will help as my reading seems to be just like the economy, in a recession. So expect my comments.
A happy guilt free Special K
2 comments:
This settling down thing is the pits. We weren't meant to be alone, but we can't find a good mate, or we wont settle for one that could make us happy that we can grow with! I am beginning to think its over rated!
Nice blog man. I can def relate to some of the subject matter. I'll make sure to stop through often.
Post a Comment