Ayeeee Papi......

He closed the door ma plan was to make him wait but I couldn’t take it no more he had ma heart pumping visions of me and his body thumping in da shower or on da floor bumping he picked me up in his blue lex even tho I wanted him bad this was more then sex this was passion it was meant to be I thought I would melt in his arms as he held and kissed me I couldn't wait to feel him inside even tho he was a thug he had a soft side he kissed down ma chest I let ma self go as he started to caress he got down to ma dick slowly put it in his mouth Ayyyy Papi was all I could scream out yea he was a top str8 up all hood but he did this for me to make a nigga feel good I looked down stared at face at da moment the feeling none could replace it felt sooo rite the sensation but in da back of ma mind I couldn't wait for penetration “im ready Papi” was all I needed to say he spit ma dick out and got up right away this I kno I would neva forget we undressed he bent me over but he wasn't ready to enter yet “Nigga daddy’s bout to get you wet” all I could scream out was ooh baby he stuck his tong in ma ass and I went crazy over a chair he had me bent this was one of da greatest night I’ve eva spent in da mist of ma mowning you heard him slurping ma ass in the back round when he was done took me to da bed and laid me down he entered me it hurt me of course im tite “ahhhhh take it slow daddy we got all night” he looked down at me as to say nigga you right even tho he slowed down I thought I would tare the head bored of then hinges cuz the nigga was hung like a horse about 10 inches as he was pounding he was soo relentless the pain had went away ma shyt was open for bizness I popped it twrked it itz like he knew wat spots it hit his dick was perfect I mean I aint fem ima thug shyt but da way he hit it I couldn't help but feel like a bytch I moned and screamed his name in high pitch and it just excited me more when he yelled “WHO’S ASS IS THIS” “YOU KNO ITZ YOURS DADDY” I replayed after 4 hours and 8 positions later he screamed “IM READY TO CUMM IN SIDE” at this moment I realized he didn't use a rubber to cover his dick up but da the moment I didn't give a fuck he increased speed and he had ma body buck he wasn't a selfish nigga cuz I had already bussed like 3 nuts “ahhhhh here it comes he screamed then I woke up mad cuz I realized it was just a dream.

Posted on behalf of King_Infamous

Behind a Niggaz Mask....

Well, if its shocking to you that I’ve posted 3 entries in about the same number of days…DON’T BE (-: !!! it’s the summer time and usually this the time of the year is when I have to most time on my hands and the most creative energy flowing through my circulatory system…I was sitting at my comp. and looking at my pix..b4 you say “oh lawd, this dude is so conceited…and he aint even all that”…lmao that not the end I was looking for.Iit really hit how my style has changed so much in since past 3 years…I saw it changing almost unconsciously, like I was someone else looking at it form a distance and having no real say in it. Of course the general principles and concepts remain the same; still clean still a urban/chique… but the mixes and servings of each has changed…anyone that know me knows I still love a clean shirt and a tie…but my persona in relation to subliminal messages remains the same. Clothing has changed quiet a bit..I mean I have rolled around a few times and given into the more or less typical urban rockstar look that is being popularized these days… even the straight boys rockin’ some questionable shyt in order to achieve the effect. I believe no matter how unique we dress…we find out self in that familiar confinement of urban pop-culture…no matter how we define our clothing style..the image is unique and different but essentially the same. It is not an exception to be unique…however we popularize unique and before you know it unique has become mainstream. I also realized how old and out of date my photos are..lol but that’s another story…..I think I’ve been to lazy to do new photos especially the butt naked one…jus playin’. Not into amateur porn. However it is only fair that give people the right image..I don’t agree with false advertisement. The real reason I haven’t is that the excitement has really escaped me…the e is no newness in doing it. I believe I’ve grown ever so slightly more conceited over the years but even more yearning of that which is far below the surface. Now I noted the other day that someone told me I look better in real life than in my pix. I was under the impression that It was the other way around. Lately I seem to care less and less about what image I present under the camera. I guess it’s a slow realization that there is not to much that overcomes personality. I believe I rely more on my personality to attract the ppl I want….which is a good thing..I’ve been told I look mean in my pix but I’m a much more fun-loving person in real life….I been known that’s truth lol. I put up the mean pix to ward off the unwanted…lol. Only a cherish few see the smile.lol …I think I’ve become comfortable in the fact that I tend not to disappoint in looks or personality when I people in real life..I guess its part of growing up that we realize that there is much more behind the mask.
A very good -looking, smart and mature Special K

My Imaginary Best Friend...

I thought about you the other day and I wondered why..I wondered why….while we haven’t spoken and I have no desire to ever speak…there is so much that I should say…there is so much that I know…so much I can tell ...so many words that exists…that I’m able to speak…I want to talk..to say..to type..to tell…I have no desire to speak …I shouldn’t…I recall the days when…what we thought was f****dship existed…just something a bit innocent…just easy going…no motives..no instigation..a bit of faultlessness…a true f****dship…..but you kept changing it..you kept changing it..even though my desire was nothing more than casual…to avoid the headaches..the heart aches…the disappointment the pain…the refusal..the strain…I gave it up to avoid the pain…because I became a better man…stronger…more in touch…never to believe something semi-consciously created …or wanted myself to believe…a world of illusions and fallacy..i gave it up because I created something that would never be…and wasn’t suppose to be, the forbidden words: *** and **…I knew the answers way back then…In reality it was no surprise how it reached its end…its reality ..I can see it...i new it from the beginning...believe it or not..I told you…I knew the desire made its end…so I’m grown now..i’ve spilt my soup..right on queue…its funny cuz...i didn’t believe I knew you…but carry on man..time does pass…for me I know my desire for the imaginary will last….Its reality ..it truth…its love.. a man does what he must… this sort of thing is written in the stars above…even though there are no more than dust..therein remains the irony…an illusion of beautiful ….but to you my imaginary f***d…I know the story had reached its end…recollection of images created…illusion of a long time best friend….

Extra Extra!!! Sex on the Beach this Summer!!!!

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Now, Its been forever since I've wrote an entry but that fact is that there exists so much material for me to right on that it's a shame that it hasn't been transferred to the blog world. I'm on vacation now and I've had alot of time on my hands, but I never could seem to type in blogspot.com in my address bar. Mostly because of self-induced laziness; it happens every summer when I go from a million things to do in one day to looking forward to mowing the lawn. Quiet frankly that seems to be the highlight of my daily events as of now...lol.


Now one things I promised myself this summer is that I would have fun. Well I have been fulling that goal for the most part and I've gone out a few times with some kool peeps. For the most part I'm enjoying it. This summer is turning out to be one that is really rewarding. Everything seems to be working out better in terms of finances, school, relationships and friends. Suffice it to say this wasn't exactly the place I was in last year at this time. Last year at this time, I would been recovering from the infamous Chicken Pox...it's really no laughing matter. It's better to get it earlier than later, I learnt this the hard way as I still have some scares that remain to this day!!! I had a small accident with my aunt's car and I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay off a sizable death to my school so I could register for the Fall semester. This year things are different!!! I mean I still have some small issues, like I lost some important documentation and its going to be a bit of a hassle to get them back. It also means I can't currently travel out of the country if I needed to, however everything should be fine by December. I am planning to spend a few days back home.

I am planning to take a trip to the ATL this summer as well and I may also be in N.C. soon. I'm even thinking about a vacation to FL or Las Vegas. Right now there are alot more pertinent things going on in my life. As some of you know, the relationship thing hasn't been going that well but I've learnt from past mistakes and it has really saved me this time. Now, it seems that what seemed dismal at one point has led me to something even better and something that I've wanted for a long
time. To my enjoyment, June 2007 has brought a smile on my face when I go to bed at night and an exciting urge to get up in the morning. This same "thing" propels me though my boring days because I know what happens at the end of it. It seems that something a bit unexpected is falling into place at the right time. Now, I am pretty ecstatic that this is happening in my life right now and I really deserve it (sometimes I think I don't but I really do). People that are so precious in your life really never realise how special they are until you let them know. So for right now, I am taking the time to convince that person of how special they are. I must say its been pretty easy because the person just makes life that much better (-;. I'm just amazed that someone else hasn't found what I've found as yet and taken it. Now I don't want to explain to much here but there will be more in the future. .
I hoping that they are in my life 5-10-15 years from now as a friend and something else if ti is meant to be. So I want to end this inaugural summer blog with this statement: It's ABOUT TIME!!!! Some times you receive something that a million men don't deserve. It's called an angel in heaven hence the blog title.
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE..thanks for making the past few days worth it
A very kool in the summer time Special K (-:,
I will be keeping everyone updated..enjoy your summer

To Fly to be Depressed/ Air Humping the New Trend?

The mistake i made is clear
we never shoulda been together
Thats the reason you're not here
I know that I can do much better
Not a single salty tear
Not a feeling in my chest
Baby im feeling no stress
Im too [damn] fly to be depressed...

(have fun figuring out the author)

We'll for those of you who know me..the poem above would make sense....if not...maybe you're not suppose to know....lol..Well anyways, my friend sent me this video to cheer me up..hopefully it makes your day brighter..I'm thinking about doing my own version with my roommate...lol..support needed..

Sex and (in) the City...

I found this article in The New York Times while doing some research for a paper...was pretty facinating...it gives a really modern take on homosexuality and gay marriage...promise you wont be disappointed.

May 6, 2007
Modern Love
An Ancient Coda to My 21st-Century Divorce
By CINDY CHUPACK

I WAS finally getting married. That’s what I kept telling people. I didn’t say I was finally getting married “again,” because bringing up a first marriage during the planning of a second is a major buzz kill for everyone involved.

It reminds the bride and groom, at a time when their biggest worry should be butter cream versus spun sugar, that love does not always conquer all. And I didn’t want to hang that cloud over my fiancé, Ian, because this was his first wedding (another term I didn’t like, because it implied he may have a second). So we tried not to talk about first or second anythings until our meeting with the rabbi.

Ian called our rabbi “the hot rabbi” because she was young and hip and, well, hot. I didn’t mind his calling her hot. In fact, I found it reassuring, because it was yet another indication that Ian was not gay. Above all, I wanted to avoid publicly declaring my love for someone only to have him later realize he’s gay. Again.

Yes, O.K., so that’s what happened the first time, and that’s what I told the hot rabbi when she asked if either of us had been married before.

She blinked, and nodded — appropriately unfazed. Then she asked, “Was he Jewish?”

This seemed like a moot point to me, but I told her yes, he was.

I remember how happy my parents were that I was marrying a Jewish doctor. It was like winning the Jewish lottery, until he turned out to be gay. After that, my parents cared less about my boyfriend’s religion than his ability to name at least three pro ballplayers.

Therefore it was nice, but not essential, that Ian was Jewish. Ian was a bad-boy motorcycle-riding tattooed lawyer/poet/chef who proposed to me on a beach at sunset riding a white horse and dressed as a knight. The fact that he was Jewish was among the least remarkable things about him.

Among the most remarkable things about him was that after hearing my story, he remained straight.

During the divorce process I was toying with stand-up comedy, and my friend and fellow comic Rob had been endlessly fascinated by my story, asking: “What were the signs? How did he tell you?”

A year later, Rob came out, forcing me to see, in retrospect, that for him the hero of my story was my husband.

At a Hollywood party, I told my story to a cute guy I thought was flirting with me only to learn that he already was married. To a man. He explained that he had never even dated men until he met his husband while traveling abroad. Then I told that story to my friend who was the host of the party, and he confessed that he was bisexual, which he said was often difficult for potential partners to comprehend. For example, he asked, how would I feel about dating him?

When I realized his question was not rhetorical, I blushed and declined. Then I told that story to a male friend I knew to be straight, and he also confessed he was thinking of dating men, but after coming out to his stunned parents and trying a couple of gay relationships, he decided he was more interested in women, and he’s now married to a woman who had previously considered herself a lesbian.

My feeling, at this point, when everyone’s sexuality seemed to be in flux, was simply: Pick a side! I’m fine with it all! Just declare a major!

Now, with the hot rabbi, I was thinking what a relief it was that I could finally tell my story without outing anybody when she announced that I should “get a get.”

A what?

A get, she explained, is a Jewish divorce certificate, and although Ian and I did not technically need one to marry, without it, under Jewish law, our children would basically be considered illegitimate. She also thought the process could be good closure.

To me it sounded like the opposite of closure. It would require reopening the lines of communication that my ex-husband and I had finally shut down after years of trying to prove we were friends.

We were friends. We wished each other well. It was just easier, I thought, to wish each other well from afar.

Also, we’d already had a version of closure. When his parents were having trouble accepting that he was gay, they cut him off financially. He was still in medical school and strapped for cash, and the one thing he really wanted was to buy a house. So I helped him with the down payment by giving back the extravagant emerald-cut engagement ring that he, out of guilt, had told me to keep. I had stored it in a safe deposit box, not wanting to wear it, not ready to sell or reset it.

I would occasionally visit my ring, visit my old married self, but even with nobody present, I was aware how pathetic I looked sitting in a bank cubicle modeling my engagement ring. So when I had the opportunity to return it, I jumped at the chance. I said, “With this ring, will you not marry me?” And we had a little moment, and he bought his house, and that was that. Until now.

When I called my ex-husband in Los Angeles, he was surprised to hear from me, happy that I was marrying, and a little dubious about what I was asking him to do. I assured him I would fly in from New York, pay the fee and do all the homework; his only responsibility would be to show up. When he suggested we have a post-get get-together so I could meet his children, I started to think this may be good closure after all.

Our awkward reunion took place outside an industrial building that served as an office for the Orthodox rabbi whose name I found through an organization that facilitates gets. We made small talk while I pressed the buzzer (“You look good.” “You too.” “How are your parents?”) until it became clear that nobody was responding to the buzzing. We called the rabbi’s home number, he answered, and that’s when we learned there was confusion about the time and we would have to reschedule. When we explained that it had taken us over 10 years to make this appointment, the rabbi said he would try to find two witnesses.

THAT’S how it came to pass that we had an hour to kill, and my ex-husband said his partner and children were nearby shopping, so maybe we should have our get-together now.

It’s not often a girl has the chance to have lunch with the man she thought she would have children with and the man he had them with, but the truth is, they were a pretty perfect family without me. I had met my ex-husband’s partner at a Christmas party years earlier and liked him immediately. He was handsome, smart, kind and funny, and whether it was accurate or not, I found it flattering to imagine that he was the male version of me. Now they’d adopted two beautiful boys. As I watched my ex-husband juggle juice boxes and crayons and children’s menus, he smiled and warned: “Get ready.”

When we all arrived at the rabbi’s office, he explained the process might take an hour, so my ex-husband told his family he would call them when we were done.

The rabbi was old, and his two male witnesses were even older. They sat on one side of a table and we sat on the other, and we watched in respectful silence as the rabbi slowly wrote our divorce document by hand, with pen and ink, in Hebrew.

WHEN my ex-husband left to feed the meter, the rabbi fixed me with a stare and asked the question that clearly had been bothering him since we arrived: “Who was that other man who came with you?”

Since I wasn’t sure of the official Orthodox stance on homosexuality, I said it was my ex-husband’s friend.

“And whose children were those?”

I didn’t like where this was going. I asked if this would affect the get process. He said it would not, so I admitted that my ex-husband was gay, and the other man was his partner, and those were their children.

The two ancient witnesses looked at each other. And then the rabbi said flatly, “I think that’s sick.”

“It’s not sick,” I said. “They’re very happy.”

In an unoriginal attempt at a joke, the rabbi said, “Which one is the man?”

“They’re both men,” I said. “They’re both very good men.”

When my ex-husband came back into the room, I felt ill. I had flown cross-country and paid $500 in cash so three old holy men could sit in judgment of him. And the irony was, he was the practicing Jew, not I.

I was fuming, wondering if we should forget the get and get out while the getting was good, when we were informed that our document was complete. We were asked to stand and face each other. And then my ex-husband was asked to look into my eyes and repeat some phrases that meant basically, “With this document, I release you.”

As we stood there, just as we had on our wedding day, he looked even more handsome. And grown-up. And happy. And I thought about why he had married me in the first place. Yes, he loved me, but also, he was probably afraid he would never be able to have a family if he didn’t marry a woman.

Now he had that family without having to compromise who he was. And I thought about what he gave me all of those years ago when he unofficially released me. As much as I hated the heartbreak and longing, my newly single life became the basis of my writing career, which led me to a job as a writer and producer on “Sex and the City,” which led me to New York, which led me to Ian.

And then I thought about how this ridiculous judgmental tribunal is what my ex-husband faces every day, often when he least expects it, and how hard it must have been for him to overcome that judgment in order to be honest with me and himself. So as he dropped the get into my open palms, which made it legally binding, I felt proud of him, and proud of us, for releasing each other to our proper destinies.

“I’m happy you’re getting married,” he said. “Now I can finally stop feeling guilty.”

I told him he had no reason to feel guilty. But he said he couldn’t help it. Some things, I guess, we’re just born with.

Cindy Chupack is the author of “The Between Boyfriends Book.” This essay is adapted from the anthology “Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys,” to be published this month by Dutton.

This is dedicated to my Ex.....The more unattractive one...

Ever wonder why after so many years you’re still not over me
Ever wonder why after so many break ups you’re still not the one for me
Ever wonder why I’ll never look your way,
Ever wonder why my friends actually stay,
Ever wonder why I never struggled on one push up and your still trying so hard to loose your gut,
Ever wonder why I came from nothing but everything you ever have seems to crumble because your always fussing,
Ever wonder why I’ll be working on my Ph.D while you’re still trying figure out the requirements for your degree
Ever wonder why you’re still running back to Jersey (are you sure it’s not because you wanna be with me?)
Ever wonder why you seemed to be so on edge esp. when you were a pledge
Ever wonder why you can’t look me in the eye
Maybe it’s because you’ll probably cry
Ever wonder why all the boys think that I’m so fly and when they look at you they give a fuckin’ sigh…
Anyways man why all the hostility,
Maybe it’s because you wish you looked like me
Nigga you’re such a fuckin’ fool,
No wonder it’s been a while since a guy would actually let you plough your tool,
Ever wonder why its so important to you to hurt me,
But the harder you try it just builds up my immunity,
So this is what I’m saying Sir please give this up
The past is over, it’s said and done,
the conversations were fine,
but the sex was far from
I’ve gone on with my life and so should you, if you can’t accept that then go get you a Shrink boo
I’m tired of this shit I’m a grown man now…
You act like a little boy who’s only thing he knows how to do is bow
So sit behind your desk and convince yourself that you can actually keep your job
It’s usually a matter of time before you get cut for being such a slob
I can’t believe I’m writing this shit..I mean it was fun for me
I guess you’ll just hang around like all the other groupies
It’s so sad..everytime I think of you I simply feel this burning urge to pee
You’re such a bitch-ass nigga…maybe that’s why you act like a fucking flaming Christmas tree
I am just happy in the fact that you’ll never be with me
I’m the best looking nigga you ever had,
That shyt is the truth,
Yeah its real hardcore
So go fuck off you dirty whore…