Not Ready to Make Nice....

Well it's been while since I've written a blog..but for good reason. I've really been pushing hard to get my feet on the ground. At this critical time, 4 to 5 months before graduation, I really want to be proud of myself when I graduate..that native drive that I have is kicking in and I'm going at the job market pretty hard. What I'm lacking though, is experience. I've been applying to insurance companies which seem to be working for me. I have really 2 really crucial interviews with Allstate and AIG on Tues. I'm really hoping they go well but I'm very skeptical about the AIG opportunity. Their hiring process seems to be a lot more extensive than Allstate's and truth be told, I'm scared that the fact that I haven't graduated as yet will greatly limit my chances of getting hired, particularly at AIG. I really, really, really want to work at Allstate. AIG starts at 30,000 per year. Allstate starts a bit higher and it's like 5-10 mins. away from where I live. If I land this job then that means a car. It means savings and it means a lot of anxiety relief for the future. There is so much I plan to do. I am going put my everything into those interviews but I'm operating with a serious handicap.

Second matter is my trip back to Trinidad. I lost my last passport and I need to make a trip home to get some new documents so I can get my license and see about some other matters. Christmas is also becoming a priority because I still haven't completed my family's Christmas shopping and I wont get paid till the 21st! So that means enduring the Christmas rush. This is the first year I'm actually able to provide for other poeople. I never really paid attention to Christmas since I've been on my own because I can never really afford it. Been talking to my sister back home. She is not doing to well at all but my greater concern is my niece who is not doing well in her school. I place so much emphasis on school work because I really want her to have a future. She is possibly the closest thing I will have to a daughter. They are my main concern back home. Besides that my mum is moving. The situation where she is living is not very good at all and we are making preparations to move. At 49 years old she is still renting and the land lord wannts to remove her from the property. Now my older brother who was never any help lost his job and he wont be finding one anytime soon because he has no skill.

In addition where she is moving to is a relatively rural area. I'm not happy about that either. Now I have a lot on my plate but I'll get through it. What's life with out challenges? One other observations this week: I hate customer service!!! Well first of all I started this temporary job this week in an attempt to make some extra cash for Christmas. The job consist of calling up financial advisement companies and asking them questions about their bond investment process. Now this bitch hard the nerve to imply that I was illiterate. I would like to go in to detail about what occurred but I don't have the time right now. The bad thing is I actually wrote her number down so I call her after work and curse her out. I haven't done it as yet but it's on my list of things to do. The crazy thing is I was thinking about mapquesting the business, marching down there myself and giving her a piece of my mind. That's step two. So lets say I will never work in customer service ever because I would end up in prison.

Well there is one other thing that occurred this week. That, I will keep as personal as possible but my best friends know what the deal is. If you want an idea listen to the play list I put up and if you know me well enough, you'll figure out what went down. Bet you didn't know I listened to country music right. Country music is white people's R&B..lol...Here's hoping for a good future. Merry Christmas if I don't post again until after then.

A Special K who wants your love.

Not Your Avergae Thanks Giving...

Now this post is inspired by some one's actual Thanksgiving day post ...I feel as though his post brought a dose of much needed reality to people that don't really have an idea about real gratefulness is about.

I arrived home this Thanksgiving at about 4:00pm. No one was home except for the kids (my cousins)...between the ages of 5 and 14. There was some food but it had all been wrapped away and placed in the axillary refrigerator in the basement. I went down stairs as instructed and served myself up some cold left overs which I put in the microwave and heated up. No turkey, sweet potato pie or collard greens I might add...I guess we skipped it this year. My aunt and oldest cousin (25) had gone to work because they both work in the health care industry and their slave master told them they had to work today. The only adult home was my debilitating Grandmother who was fast asleep in bed. So after eating I went upstairs to computer to catch up on some online stuff since my computer at school had crashed earlier that week.

I began to think, I wasn't particularly disappointed by the lack of festivities occurring at my house. I am accustomed to it..my family is not one of those lovey-dovey families were we have mandatory family time, call each other everyday and end each conversation with the all to misused phrase "I love you" (notice I said misused not over-used, there is a difference). This holiday was no different than any other. Usually I don't really look forward to Christmas or family holidays like that because as I grew up and realised that those days are like any other and are catered to two groups: Kids and the Retail Industry.

Now on to my main point: THANKFULNESS which is associate dearly with GRATEFULNESS. Now we sit around a table once or twice a year and are asked one by one we what we are thankful for and being honest with ourselves some of us think long and hard and hope that we are not the first one to be summoned because quiet frankly, most of us can't think up a white lie quickly enough that wont seem cliche or shady.

This is life people, it's that life that we as westerners live. We who have the most privilege in the world...sit and stuff ourselves with turkey on Thanksgiving day and give ourselves presents and Xmas day because we are so "GRATEFUL" for what we have...Isn't that ironic: each Holiday that we are suppose to be thanking someone else, we give our selves a pat on the back and presents i.e. Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter? We give ourselves more because we are so grateful for what we have been given. Isn't that a little counterproductive and hypocritical to you? I think we all know that we go through certain experiences for a reason.

I grew up in a poor family. My mother did whatever she had to do so she could give as close to a normal life as possible. I am forever GRATEFUL for that. I'm grateful because I didn't grow up having everything. I'm GRATEFUL because I had the opportunity to see the difference between the poor and the rich(most of us are rich whether we think so or not). I'm grateful because I don't know how the fuck I got this far but I did. I'm grateful for the fact that I can even have a relationship when so many thousand of others have to hide themselves because of fear of being killed and battered and shaming their family to the point that there mother commits suicide all int the name of love. America, think about what you have and be GRATEFUL!!! Give the someone who doesn't have as much as you then say Marry Christmas or Happy Thanksgiving. Tired of words without meaning.

Next time you decide to curse out some sales person about your ipod touch not working or you say something demeaning to the McDonald's lady at the drive through window who can hardly speech English but is stilling working every hour she can to make a penny, or threaten the guy at the dry cleaners that through away your overpriced D&G sun glass that you left in you jacket, THINK, am I REALLY thankful or is it a bunch of fake bullshit I use to make me feel a little bit better about myself.

- A very Special K who is hoping this post makes you just a little more thankful.

Enjoy your Holiday

OMG!!!!

Aight aight...haven't been around to give ya'll a post. I actually had soooo much damn material that I didn't know what to do with it. I was planning a very nice article about this kid at my school and his experience coming out to his African family and his mother and sister disowning him. It would have been soooo damn interesting and educational for our community. It was crazy how his shyt went down. His sister wrote him this crazy-ass letter stating how she never had a brother and she was going to kill him with her own hands. She claimed that he forgot his culture and was evil and she ould never ever forgive him for what he had done till the day she dies. It wasn't a nice experience at all for the young man but it was certainly a reality check for those of us that have the privilege of being honest with our family members (not including myself). What brought a great extent of gravity to the situation was thatthis kid is a Freshman and 16 at that!!!!!!

Needless t say they kid is out at school (didn't take much to tell) and someone who aparently dislikes him facebooked his sister stating that he was he alledged lover. Damn, that's why I don't let people know my business cuz NIGGAZ S GRIMMY!!. Man I was plannnin gthat posts for so long I was going to post the letter that she wrote and everytign (with permission of course). I mean it wasn't so much the drama associated that really brought up my desire to wite abut it but every now and then i allows us to appreciate how much freedim gay/bi people haev in America. Sometimes we really take it for granted.He apparently lost the letter. If he ever finds it I'll right a full post on that.

Anyway, want to know what I've been doing for so long? Here's the list:

- Had my midterm exam

- Spent time with my prince (spoiled prince, but yet still a prince (wink, wink):-)

- Planned an event ( I plan events at school)

- Did (and currently doing research for my undergraduate thesis on No-Fault Insurance Laws in NY State and the benefit the insurance companies rather than Medical Practitioners (Sounds boring but its really not!!!) - If you are a law student hit me up!!!!

- Worked at my regular campus job

- Worked at my internship 2 days a week (was able to settle 3 cases (-:)

- Attended various meetings, committees, etc.

- Did flyer work (hobby)

- Went to Philly last weekend for my other job (Upward Bound). Good thing is hotel, meals and expenses were all paid for and I still got paid!!!! (-:

- Studying for my upcoming exam

- Went home twice to visit family

- Browsing apartments

- Planning my trip back to Trini, hopefully everything will go well (leaving on Christmas Day)

- Spent some more time with my prince

- Looked around for his X-mas gift

- Computer gave out on me just wont turn on!!!!

- Went to see my best friend (subject of the last article)..see below for update.

- Got tested - I'm CLEAN (thank God!!!)

- Looking forward to catching up on work during Thanksgiving


Update: Since the last post I went to see my best friend. The situation has gotten a bit better. He's taken a lot of responsibility upon his shoulders. He is currently staying at shelter for displaced teens. It's not the best but it's clean, safe and constant. He applied to a NY Sate program called Job-core. So he will be sending him off to up-state NY for a few months in order to train him for a job and help to put his life together. They also assist with job-placement and finding affordable housing. He's really eliminated a lot of distracting elements from his life. His phonebook went from 250 to 30 contacts and he broke up with his dude (or rather the other way around). He got a job at a restaurant until he goes upstate. Still hasn't spoke with his Mum or sister. The situation is pretty messed up because he's not a dull person, he speaks 6 languages!!!!

Here are some pix I took Last night.

In Friendship we Trust...

Well, I promised I would continue where I left off last time. I know a lot of people have been asking me for details about the last post but I would like to keep my relationship as private as possible out of respect for my boi and out of maturity. Now, I would like to go on to the second topic at hand: best friends. Now I'm going to relate a situation that I experienced and I'm going to try to be as impartial and remove my feeling from this as much as possible.
Now, I'm going through this whole phase where I'm attempting to save a lot as I'm preparing to leave college and I would like make a good start on my own. Now, my best friend of about 3.5 years who is also the first gay person I ever met in this country needed some help with his bills. I'm not in a position to help someone out but I was this time so I did. I loaned him some money. I made the sacrifice to lend him the money contingent that he would pay me back the following Friday. Now I didn't even suggest this date, he did. I called him that Friday when it was due and he said he was at his b/f's house. So I forget about it and I allow him some time. Here's where the problem occurs. I call homeboi a few times the following week. Not because I really needed the money but I'm trying to get as financially stable as possible for the future. When I have to step out in the real world and I have to pay my own bills I want to have something to fall back on. However, homeboi basically avoids my calls and doesn't respond to my IMs, signs on then quickly signs off, etc. So I realize that he's avoiding because we talk at least once per week. I decided to call him on my work phone number (which he doesn't have). Bingo! Homeboi answers the phone.

Me: How you been?
Best F.: I'm ok.
Me: What are you doin, what have you been up to?
Best F.: I'm chilling here at my friends house.
Me; Hey listen do you think you'll be able to pay be back today?
Best: F.: Yea sure.
Me: We'll do you want to meet after work at McDonald's?
Best F.: Yea I can do that.
Me: Call me when you get there.
Best F.: Ok.

We'll needless to say, homeboi stood me up and would not answer his phone after I called several times. This was the second time in about 1 week he did this. After this he still would not answer his phone and now doesn't even answer from my work phone. By then I had confirmed all my suspicions. My thing is, I'm not a materialistic person so I didn't care about the money. However, he really disappointed me by lying to me several times and showed a lot of disrespect by standing me up and letting me waste my time more than once. If I was really super broke I wouldn't not have been able to get get to work or pay my phone bill or anything and usually this is the case. However, I felt really hurt to know that he didn't respect me enough to tell me the truth. Honestly all I wanted was: a simple "I don't have to money right now but I'll pay you back as soon as I can."
Later on I sent him a text message explaining to him about how disappointed and upset I was that he was dishonest with me. He apologized and I found out that he was really having some personal and financial problems and needed to take care of them. Now I have no problem. I came from a poor family and I'm fighting tooth and nail to make my way up, I know what it's like to struggle and I've been on my own since the beginning. My best friend being dishonest with me didn't not help. I keep certain people by me because I can trust them, he is one. I still love him very much and I want him to get on his life together very much. Just wish he had been real with me.

My Friends have no idea how dearly I love them,
A Forgiving Special K

Just Like Me...

So this one is entitled just like me. I know I left you all for a while and I didn't seem like I was going to return. However, I returned for the true, loyal friends and readership that I have accumulated and are still hear. I still feel very grateful for everyone in my life and I see a very happy future ahead for me. So I've been spending a lot of time with my boi and things have been going well. Now I go into relationships expecting to approach some difficult question or time. I know everyone is not perfect including myself. However, this weekend I found out something about my boi that I really wasn't expecting. I mean he really didn't seem like the type so he caught me really off-guard. I was doing some work on his computer and I came across some documents that really hit me hard. It wasn't really what was on there that got to me but the extent of it. It really made me think whether I really knew this person or not. I'm usually a good judge or character and often I know things before people tell me but I didn't see this one coming. When I saw this I didn't know how to react it mostly brought shock and a question as to why it was there. The first thing we seem to do is judge the person but i forced myself to find to best way out. It just goes to show that as soon as you got things all figured out life shows that you can be extremely clueless. I mean it really wasn't as serious as the last long-term who turned out to be a one-hit pornstar wonder (if there is such a thing) but I ended up with him because he told me on our second date and didn't lie like so many others would have. It seems that people have been asking me to question my perception of them a lot lately. This is the second incident where a close person did something that was unexpected of them but I'll leave that for another post which I will be writing soon. So why did I name this post "Just Like Me?". That's because I've always tried to find someone who was just like me but that never seems to come through 100%.
So what do you do when the one you love shows you a different side of them that you didn't expect? Do you accept them or change them?

It feels good to be back,
Special K

Sittin' on Top of the World..

Ever have that feeling where you don't really want to do the old things you used to do and you no longer have to depend on certain things to carry you through your day? Well that's how I feel. Happiness in so much more. I'm at the secure point in my life where I really feel fulfilled, stable and prepared for the future. I'm focused and confident in the future and ready to forge ahead. Decisions seem more well thought out and well placed. A place in life where you feel like your beginning to make use of your manhood. MAN IT FEELS GOOD TO GROW. I feel the culmination of you developing into your manhood is really finding the one that is going to be by your side, your personal sidekick, agent, partner-in-crime (and other things, lol), and the part of your life you really and truly live for. Real men know that money, material goods and popularity don't mean anything. A place of reverence and exceptional maturity, a feeling of giving of ones self and allowing yourself to create happiness for others. A place of security and beautiful humanity. I feel like I been blessed with the qualities I need. We are social by nature for a reason; it's imperative for our survival.

Now on to other matters. It's amazing that some people today still find themselves doing exactly what they shouldn't be doing in order to achieve the goals that they find themselves unable to achieve on their own. Now, when you're happy this is the time when people who are unhappy with their own lives (and in this case, admittedly so) try to bring you down. 95% of the time these people are cowards. Don't give me wrong, it's not that way with the majority of people. It's reserved to a small pathetic few. Those people that sit an examine their life and realise, "Hey, I'm not happy, theirs no one (worth it) who loves me, I don't have any real friends and I'll never be a good person, so you know what; I'll have to make the people who I most want to be like just as miserable as me. This way I can get them to give me unnecessary attention." Fortunately, this never works on genuine people. But here's to those who really never know what they are doing but think that they can break something that is pretty much unbreakable; trying to make other people's life worse will never equal your life getting better. I mean come on, you really gotta try harder (or maybe smarter) than that. Hater's never win cause we're still on top of the world!!!!!

A Very Excited, Confident & Grateful,
Special K

Like a Virgin Touched for the Very First Time....

Well its been 1 year, 7 months, and 15 days since the last time I did the dirty deed. Well you guys might be wondering why I'm putting all my business out there...the truth is, I'm proud of it. I'm happy I did it and I'm happy about where it happened, how it happened and who it happened with. Growing up and learning about myself has shown me that I don't need to experience things in order to learn them. I can learn from the experiences of others. Waiting also gave me a better understanding of myself and for some reason now I understand why things didn't happen even when I thought they would. Things didn't always go as planned. They happen when they needed to happen and with whom they are suppose to happen with. If it happened when I wanted it to then it would not have been nearly as special as this. Ain't nothing better than knowing that the other person is putting in as much as you are and that moment means as much to them as it does to you. Of course there weren't any fireworks nor did the right song come on at exactly the right moment but those things are not what make that moment of last innocence special. You only know if it was right when your done, the testosterone has settled and you're laying there and they are asleep but your still awake thinking about it. GOD damn it..that shyt was good!!! What a way to put me back in the game. I'm not gonna say it's like riding a bike cuz it just not that simple. Half of these niggaz don't even have the slightest idea of how to put it in. This time it felt new again: like a virgin, touched for the very first time. I almost couldn't remember what it was like but apparently I haven't lost my touch at all....that type of shyt that make you wanna smoke something after (that is if I did smoke)...

Here's to the simple but valuable pleasures in life,

A very Satisfied and Content,

Special K

I figured it out...I know the secret to happiness..

Now I'm going to make this post short...this summer has indeed been the type of summer that I anticipated it to be and I have so much going on right now its pretty unbelievable. Your boy has been pretty much bee blessed over and over again so for once I'm really smiling. Well I guess the biggest accomplishment this summer is that I figured out what makes me happy..the funny thing is its so simple and obvious but very true and unique to me. I never really understood it but I know I've always been this way. All it took what a matter of looking at things in prospective. The good thing is once you know what makes you happy you also know the one thing that can make you the most sad. In anticipation of heart break you do your best to prevent it. Even though losing it can cause the most stressful experiences. Giving love and caring for someone else makes me happy!!!!!!!! We'll I don't know how exciting that is to you readers but its really exciting to me because it means the world. It means that I've found the door to my unconditional happiness in my life time. I'm not talking about the "charity" kind of love or care even though I seem to be very partial to that kind of activity. I guess love means alot to me because I have seen the contrast between exceptional love and a far-fetched expression of it. But I know how it feels in side to feel the real thing, in my case it feels even better when I give it. As they say in life there are two types of ppl, givers and takers, it seems that quite frankly I'm a giver. Instead of searching for love, it makes me more happy to find someone I can give it to. What makes my life worth it is knowing that I can put a genuine smile on someone else's face and a feeling of love in their heart. The fact that I've swept them off there feet makes me feel extremely good inside. For me this explains alot of things in terms of how I interact with people. It explains why I'm 90% of the time the initiator. It explains why why I'm never really disappointed even after investing alot in something. It means that I've solved the puzzle that so many people are take sabbaticals and trips to Europe to figure out. Fuck a horoscope..no random magician can tell you who you are and tell you your path to happiness. Find it in yourself. Here's to happiness and contentment of which I've found. God forbid if I die tonight but I know I'll die a happy man.

- A Complete Special K

P.S. hope you didn't through up after all this lovey dovey stuff..lol

Safer Sex: Using Your Head....

Very few things we do when having sex are likely to result in HIV. When you know the basics of how HIV can be passed on, you can decide what means for you. For a sexual activity to pass on HIV there has to be:

a person
a bodily fluid with HIV in it (cum or blood)
enough HIV in that fluid to be passed on
another person
a way for the HIV to get into the other person's bloodstream
Without all of these things, it is impossible for HIV to be passed on. The amount of HIV in the blood and cum of a person varies over time. The more virus there is, the more chance there is of being able to pass on HIV. This is called viral load. A person has the greatest viral load and is most able to pass on HIV immediately after they have just gotten HIV themselves (and may not even know they have HIV). So let's look at what we enjoy doing and how to reduce the chance of HIV being passed on.





HIV cannot be spread by spit. There is no evidence that kissing or cuddling could lead to HIV being passed on. However, try to avoid deep kissing if both you and your partner have:

open mouth sores
open cuts in the mouth
bleeding lips or gums as these involve blood and there's a small chance of HIV being passed on.


: Mutual Masturbation
HIV is NOT passed on by:

wanking, either alone or with someone else
massage and body stroking
cumming on somebody (if there are no open cuts or sores) Avoid using someone else's cum as a lubricant. It might enter the tip of the cock, or small abrasions on your cock. This might allow HIV to be passed into the blood stream.



Sucking and being sucked
HIV is not passed on from the mouth to someone else's cock. There are a small number of recorded cases of people getting HIV from taking cum into their mouth. In almost all of the cases the person had herpes sores, cuts or infections in their mouth. It isn't easy for HIV to enter the bloodstream via the mouth or throat. If you're and there is any bleeding in your mouth, or if you have a gum disease or other oral infections (such as a sore throat) take extra care. Brushing your teeth before oral sex can give you bleeding gums. To be really safe, you can pull his cock out of your mouth before he cums, so that you do not get cum in your mouth. A condom on the cock you're sucking is an ultra-safe strategy.

: Licking out
Rimming, licking another person's arse, does not pass on HIV. However, some other serious illnesses such as viral hepatitis are easily passed on this way. You can use sheets of clear plastic food wrap or a dental dam as protection.

: Passive fucking
If you're , being fucked by another guy's cock up your arse without a condom is the most likely way of getting HIV, if you're not 100% certain of your partner's HIV status, or if you know your sex partner is . Cum that carries HIV can easily enter the bloodstream through the lining of the arse and through small cuts or abrasions that occur during fucking. Having your sex partner use a condom with a water-based lubricant is the best way to reduce the chances of getting or giving HIV or other STDs.

: Active fucking
If you're , fucking another guy up the arse without a condom on your cock is another likely way of getting HIV, if you're not 100% certain of your sex partner's HIV status, or if you know your sex partner is . Many guys think that because they're the one doing the fucking, the HIV can't enter their body. but it can enter the cock through the opening at the tip (the meatus), or through tiny cuts or scratches on the cock. Reduce the chances of getting or giving HIV by using a condom and a water-based lubricant.




Try experimenting with condoms before using them for sex. Get yourself used to the feel of them. Wank with them on. Try tearing one or two while you've got them on, so that you can feel what that's like. You can feel the difference, so that if a condom tears when you're fucking, you'll know when to pull out.

Put the condom on before starting to fuck, not just before you're about to cum.
When putting the condom on, squeeze the air out of the tip first. Roll the condom all the way down to the base of your cock to prevent it slipping off.
If you're uncircumcised, pull your foreskin back before fitting the condom on. You might need to practice to find out how to get a condom to stay on.
Choose a brand of condoms that suits your cock size and shape.





: Pulling out
Withdrawal (pulling out before cumming) does not protect you from giving or getting HIV. Some guys do this as a way to have the thrill of fucking without using condoms, thinking that if the person fucking pulls out in time, this counts as safe sex. This isn't true. Withdrawal can still lead to HIV being passed on because:

if you're the active partner (the one doing the fucking) blood from your partner's arse can still enter the hole at the tip of your cock, or get into tiny scratches or cuts on your cock.
if you're the passive partner (the one being fucked), there's no guarantee that your partner won't cum in your arse. Withdrawal before orgasm is a very difficult thing to time perfectly! Again, using condoms and a water-based lubricant can prevent this risk. Many gay men in Australia who have recently tested reported that they thought withdrawal was safe.




Some people will tell you that condoms often break. However, often the mistakes that people make that lead to condom breakage can be easily corrected. Condoms aren't 100% reliable, but using them correctly is the best way there is to make fucking safe. Remember the following:

Use lots of water-based lubricant such as KY jelly, Wet Stuff, Glyde or Lubafax. Some people mistakenly use oil based lubricants like Vaseline, baby oil, hand creams, Intensive Care or other oil based lubes, without realising that these actually dissolve the latex of the condom, leading to breakages.
Check the use by date on your condoms. Avoid using out-of-date condoms.
Be sure to buy condoms made to Australian standards-check the outside of the pack.
Never leave condoms out in the sun, or near any sharp objects that might damage them, or in the glove box of your car for a prolonged period of time.
Don't store your condoms near extreme heat or cold.
Don't use ultra-thin condoms as these are designed for vaginal sex. Anal sex puts more stress on condoms. Use extra strength condoms for anal sex.



"Negotiated Safety"
Some people who share the same known HIV status choose to fuck without condoms. This can only be safe when you both know for certain that you're bothor both . Discuss with your partner how important it is for you to fuck without condoms. If it's not that important, then keep using them. If you want to fuck without condoms, then here are some steps you could follow:

If you're both
Talk with your doctor about the possible effects of being exposed to another strain of the virus. It's your choice to enjoy unprotected fucking with anotherperson if you both want to.

If you think you're both
If you both want to fuck without condoms, then both get tested for HIV. Be completely honest about your results, or agree to go and get tested and collect your results together. What would it mean if one of you had HIV and the other didn't? Talk about this first. If it would mean the end of the relationship then maybe you should just keep using condoms? Continue to use condoms every time you fuck for 3 months after either of you could possibly have come into contact with HIV. After 3 months, both get tested again.

If one of you has HIV and the other does not
Keep using condoms and water-based lubricant every time you fuck. If you need support around this contact the PLC (Positive Living Centre) or other agencies listed on the Directory page.

If you know you're both
Discuss your future plans. Make a commitment to each other that you'll avoid fucking outside of your relationship (this strategy is more successful) or that if either of you fuck with anyone else you will use condoms (this strategy is less successful). You will need to make a decision about trusting each other. Make a commitment that if either of you has a slip-up or an accident that results in unsafe sex outside of the relationship, you'll agree to tell the other immediately. You'll need to go back to safe sex until you've both been tested twice again 3 months apart.

Talk with each other about how slip-ups or accidents might happen. Agree in advance that it won't mean the end of your relationship. Don't punish your partner for being honest.
You might want to agree in advance that either partner can insist on using condoms again, without having to explain why.
If all of this seems like too much to handle, then keep using condoms whenever you fuck.



HIV can be passed on during vaginal sex. The virus is found in both cum and vaginal fluids. If you're fucking with a woman the best way to prevent HIV being passed on either way is to use a condom with water-based lubricant.HIV is unlikely to be passed on in oral sex when a man is going down on a woman although the risk increases if there is menstrual blood. If there are cuts or sores on the man's mouth sheets of clear plastic food wrap, or a dental dam, can be used to protect against HIV being passed on. Check out the range of heterosexual safe sex information available.



Using drugs or alcohol might affect your ability to make sensible decisions about having safe sex, and your ability to let your partner know what you want. It's a good idea to make the choice to be prepared for safe sex before using drugs and alcohol. Making sure you've always got condoms and water-based lubricant with you can make it easier decision to have sex without regret.



If you inject drugs remember that each person should use a new clean needle and other equipment every time. Do not share needles, swabs, spoons, filters or tourniquets! SAVIVE at the AIDS Council of South Australia offers a 24 hour needle exchange. Cleaning fits for 5 minutes with strong bleach is not 100% safe. Ring SAVIVE on (08) 362 9299 for further information.



Being committed to safe sex all the time isn't easy. There are always going to be times when it's hard to stick to safe sex. It's important to be able to talk about this with people we trust. We should not be judgmental if friends tell us that they have had a slip-up. Most gay men can remember or imagine what leads to an unsafe incident. Remember that slip-ups don't mean we've gone off the rails or that we are bad. Just make the decision to have safe sex in future-for a long life enjoying sex without regret.


Source: http://www.managingdesire.org/GaySexWithoutRegret.html

Ayeeee Papi......

He closed the door ma plan was to make him wait but I couldn’t take it no more he had ma heart pumping visions of me and his body thumping in da shower or on da floor bumping he picked me up in his blue lex even tho I wanted him bad this was more then sex this was passion it was meant to be I thought I would melt in his arms as he held and kissed me I couldn't wait to feel him inside even tho he was a thug he had a soft side he kissed down ma chest I let ma self go as he started to caress he got down to ma dick slowly put it in his mouth Ayyyy Papi was all I could scream out yea he was a top str8 up all hood but he did this for me to make a nigga feel good I looked down stared at face at da moment the feeling none could replace it felt sooo rite the sensation but in da back of ma mind I couldn't wait for penetration “im ready Papi” was all I needed to say he spit ma dick out and got up right away this I kno I would neva forget we undressed he bent me over but he wasn't ready to enter yet “Nigga daddy’s bout to get you wet” all I could scream out was ooh baby he stuck his tong in ma ass and I went crazy over a chair he had me bent this was one of da greatest night I’ve eva spent in da mist of ma mowning you heard him slurping ma ass in the back round when he was done took me to da bed and laid me down he entered me it hurt me of course im tite “ahhhhh take it slow daddy we got all night” he looked down at me as to say nigga you right even tho he slowed down I thought I would tare the head bored of then hinges cuz the nigga was hung like a horse about 10 inches as he was pounding he was soo relentless the pain had went away ma shyt was open for bizness I popped it twrked it itz like he knew wat spots it hit his dick was perfect I mean I aint fem ima thug shyt but da way he hit it I couldn't help but feel like a bytch I moned and screamed his name in high pitch and it just excited me more when he yelled “WHO’S ASS IS THIS” “YOU KNO ITZ YOURS DADDY” I replayed after 4 hours and 8 positions later he screamed “IM READY TO CUMM IN SIDE” at this moment I realized he didn't use a rubber to cover his dick up but da the moment I didn't give a fuck he increased speed and he had ma body buck he wasn't a selfish nigga cuz I had already bussed like 3 nuts “ahhhhh here it comes he screamed then I woke up mad cuz I realized it was just a dream.

Posted on behalf of King_Infamous

Behind a Niggaz Mask....

Well, if its shocking to you that I’ve posted 3 entries in about the same number of days…DON’T BE (-: !!! it’s the summer time and usually this the time of the year is when I have to most time on my hands and the most creative energy flowing through my circulatory system…I was sitting at my comp. and looking at my pix..b4 you say “oh lawd, this dude is so conceited…and he aint even all that”…lmao that not the end I was looking for.Iit really hit how my style has changed so much in since past 3 years…I saw it changing almost unconsciously, like I was someone else looking at it form a distance and having no real say in it. Of course the general principles and concepts remain the same; still clean still a urban/chique… but the mixes and servings of each has changed…anyone that know me knows I still love a clean shirt and a tie…but my persona in relation to subliminal messages remains the same. Clothing has changed quiet a bit..I mean I have rolled around a few times and given into the more or less typical urban rockstar look that is being popularized these days… even the straight boys rockin’ some questionable shyt in order to achieve the effect. I believe no matter how unique we dress…we find out self in that familiar confinement of urban pop-culture…no matter how we define our clothing style..the image is unique and different but essentially the same. It is not an exception to be unique…however we popularize unique and before you know it unique has become mainstream. I also realized how old and out of date my photos are..lol but that’s another story…..I think I’ve been to lazy to do new photos especially the butt naked one…jus playin’. Not into amateur porn. However it is only fair that give people the right image..I don’t agree with false advertisement. The real reason I haven’t is that the excitement has really escaped me…the e is no newness in doing it. I believe I’ve grown ever so slightly more conceited over the years but even more yearning of that which is far below the surface. Now I noted the other day that someone told me I look better in real life than in my pix. I was under the impression that It was the other way around. Lately I seem to care less and less about what image I present under the camera. I guess it’s a slow realization that there is not to much that overcomes personality. I believe I rely more on my personality to attract the ppl I want….which is a good thing..I’ve been told I look mean in my pix but I’m a much more fun-loving person in real life….I been known that’s truth lol. I put up the mean pix to ward off the unwanted…lol. Only a cherish few see the smile.lol …I think I’ve become comfortable in the fact that I tend not to disappoint in looks or personality when I people in real life..I guess its part of growing up that we realize that there is much more behind the mask.
A very good -looking, smart and mature Special K

My Imaginary Best Friend...

I thought about you the other day and I wondered why..I wondered why….while we haven’t spoken and I have no desire to ever speak…there is so much that I should say…there is so much that I know…so much I can tell ...so many words that exists…that I’m able to speak…I want to talk..to say..to type..to tell…I have no desire to speak …I shouldn’t…I recall the days when…what we thought was f****dship existed…just something a bit innocent…just easy going…no motives..no instigation..a bit of faultlessness…a true f****dship…..but you kept changing it..you kept changing it..even though my desire was nothing more than casual…to avoid the headaches..the heart aches…the disappointment the pain…the refusal..the strain…I gave it up to avoid the pain…because I became a better man…stronger…more in touch…never to believe something semi-consciously created …or wanted myself to believe…a world of illusions and fallacy..i gave it up because I created something that would never be…and wasn’t suppose to be, the forbidden words: *** and **…I knew the answers way back then…In reality it was no surprise how it reached its end…its reality ..I can see it...i new it from the beginning...believe it or not..I told you…I knew the desire made its end…so I’m grown now..i’ve spilt my soup..right on queue…its funny cuz...i didn’t believe I knew you…but carry on man..time does pass…for me I know my desire for the imaginary will last….Its reality ..it truth…its love.. a man does what he must… this sort of thing is written in the stars above…even though there are no more than dust..therein remains the irony…an illusion of beautiful ….but to you my imaginary f***d…I know the story had reached its end…recollection of images created…illusion of a long time best friend….

Extra Extra!!! Sex on the Beach this Summer!!!!

>



Now, Its been forever since I've wrote an entry but that fact is that there exists so much material for me to right on that it's a shame that it hasn't been transferred to the blog world. I'm on vacation now and I've had alot of time on my hands, but I never could seem to type in blogspot.com in my address bar. Mostly because of self-induced laziness; it happens every summer when I go from a million things to do in one day to looking forward to mowing the lawn. Quiet frankly that seems to be the highlight of my daily events as of now...lol.


Now one things I promised myself this summer is that I would have fun. Well I have been fulling that goal for the most part and I've gone out a few times with some kool peeps. For the most part I'm enjoying it. This summer is turning out to be one that is really rewarding. Everything seems to be working out better in terms of finances, school, relationships and friends. Suffice it to say this wasn't exactly the place I was in last year at this time. Last year at this time, I would been recovering from the infamous Chicken Pox...it's really no laughing matter. It's better to get it earlier than later, I learnt this the hard way as I still have some scares that remain to this day!!! I had a small accident with my aunt's car and I was trying to figure out how I was going to pay off a sizable death to my school so I could register for the Fall semester. This year things are different!!! I mean I still have some small issues, like I lost some important documentation and its going to be a bit of a hassle to get them back. It also means I can't currently travel out of the country if I needed to, however everything should be fine by December. I am planning to spend a few days back home.

I am planning to take a trip to the ATL this summer as well and I may also be in N.C. soon. I'm even thinking about a vacation to FL or Las Vegas. Right now there are alot more pertinent things going on in my life. As some of you know, the relationship thing hasn't been going that well but I've learnt from past mistakes and it has really saved me this time. Now, it seems that what seemed dismal at one point has led me to something even better and something that I've wanted for a long
time. To my enjoyment, June 2007 has brought a smile on my face when I go to bed at night and an exciting urge to get up in the morning. This same "thing" propels me though my boring days because I know what happens at the end of it. It seems that something a bit unexpected is falling into place at the right time. Now, I am pretty ecstatic that this is happening in my life right now and I really deserve it (sometimes I think I don't but I really do). People that are so precious in your life really never realise how special they are until you let them know. So for right now, I am taking the time to convince that person of how special they are. I must say its been pretty easy because the person just makes life that much better (-;. I'm just amazed that someone else hasn't found what I've found as yet and taken it. Now I don't want to explain to much here but there will be more in the future. .
I hoping that they are in my life 5-10-15 years from now as a friend and something else if ti is meant to be. So I want to end this inaugural summer blog with this statement: It's ABOUT TIME!!!! Some times you receive something that a million men don't deserve. It's called an angel in heaven hence the blog title.
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE..thanks for making the past few days worth it
A very kool in the summer time Special K (-:,
I will be keeping everyone updated..enjoy your summer

To Fly to be Depressed/ Air Humping the New Trend?

The mistake i made is clear
we never shoulda been together
Thats the reason you're not here
I know that I can do much better
Not a single salty tear
Not a feeling in my chest
Baby im feeling no stress
Im too [damn] fly to be depressed...

(have fun figuring out the author)

We'll for those of you who know me..the poem above would make sense....if not...maybe you're not suppose to know....lol..Well anyways, my friend sent me this video to cheer me up..hopefully it makes your day brighter..I'm thinking about doing my own version with my roommate...lol..support needed..

Sex and (in) the City...

I found this article in The New York Times while doing some research for a paper...was pretty facinating...it gives a really modern take on homosexuality and gay marriage...promise you wont be disappointed.

May 6, 2007
Modern Love
An Ancient Coda to My 21st-Century Divorce
By CINDY CHUPACK

I WAS finally getting married. That’s what I kept telling people. I didn’t say I was finally getting married “again,” because bringing up a first marriage during the planning of a second is a major buzz kill for everyone involved.

It reminds the bride and groom, at a time when their biggest worry should be butter cream versus spun sugar, that love does not always conquer all. And I didn’t want to hang that cloud over my fiancé, Ian, because this was his first wedding (another term I didn’t like, because it implied he may have a second). So we tried not to talk about first or second anythings until our meeting with the rabbi.

Ian called our rabbi “the hot rabbi” because she was young and hip and, well, hot. I didn’t mind his calling her hot. In fact, I found it reassuring, because it was yet another indication that Ian was not gay. Above all, I wanted to avoid publicly declaring my love for someone only to have him later realize he’s gay. Again.

Yes, O.K., so that’s what happened the first time, and that’s what I told the hot rabbi when she asked if either of us had been married before.

She blinked, and nodded — appropriately unfazed. Then she asked, “Was he Jewish?”

This seemed like a moot point to me, but I told her yes, he was.

I remember how happy my parents were that I was marrying a Jewish doctor. It was like winning the Jewish lottery, until he turned out to be gay. After that, my parents cared less about my boyfriend’s religion than his ability to name at least three pro ballplayers.

Therefore it was nice, but not essential, that Ian was Jewish. Ian was a bad-boy motorcycle-riding tattooed lawyer/poet/chef who proposed to me on a beach at sunset riding a white horse and dressed as a knight. The fact that he was Jewish was among the least remarkable things about him.

Among the most remarkable things about him was that after hearing my story, he remained straight.

During the divorce process I was toying with stand-up comedy, and my friend and fellow comic Rob had been endlessly fascinated by my story, asking: “What were the signs? How did he tell you?”

A year later, Rob came out, forcing me to see, in retrospect, that for him the hero of my story was my husband.

At a Hollywood party, I told my story to a cute guy I thought was flirting with me only to learn that he already was married. To a man. He explained that he had never even dated men until he met his husband while traveling abroad. Then I told that story to my friend who was the host of the party, and he confessed that he was bisexual, which he said was often difficult for potential partners to comprehend. For example, he asked, how would I feel about dating him?

When I realized his question was not rhetorical, I blushed and declined. Then I told that story to a male friend I knew to be straight, and he also confessed he was thinking of dating men, but after coming out to his stunned parents and trying a couple of gay relationships, he decided he was more interested in women, and he’s now married to a woman who had previously considered herself a lesbian.

My feeling, at this point, when everyone’s sexuality seemed to be in flux, was simply: Pick a side! I’m fine with it all! Just declare a major!

Now, with the hot rabbi, I was thinking what a relief it was that I could finally tell my story without outing anybody when she announced that I should “get a get.”

A what?

A get, she explained, is a Jewish divorce certificate, and although Ian and I did not technically need one to marry, without it, under Jewish law, our children would basically be considered illegitimate. She also thought the process could be good closure.

To me it sounded like the opposite of closure. It would require reopening the lines of communication that my ex-husband and I had finally shut down after years of trying to prove we were friends.

We were friends. We wished each other well. It was just easier, I thought, to wish each other well from afar.

Also, we’d already had a version of closure. When his parents were having trouble accepting that he was gay, they cut him off financially. He was still in medical school and strapped for cash, and the one thing he really wanted was to buy a house. So I helped him with the down payment by giving back the extravagant emerald-cut engagement ring that he, out of guilt, had told me to keep. I had stored it in a safe deposit box, not wanting to wear it, not ready to sell or reset it.

I would occasionally visit my ring, visit my old married self, but even with nobody present, I was aware how pathetic I looked sitting in a bank cubicle modeling my engagement ring. So when I had the opportunity to return it, I jumped at the chance. I said, “With this ring, will you not marry me?” And we had a little moment, and he bought his house, and that was that. Until now.

When I called my ex-husband in Los Angeles, he was surprised to hear from me, happy that I was marrying, and a little dubious about what I was asking him to do. I assured him I would fly in from New York, pay the fee and do all the homework; his only responsibility would be to show up. When he suggested we have a post-get get-together so I could meet his children, I started to think this may be good closure after all.

Our awkward reunion took place outside an industrial building that served as an office for the Orthodox rabbi whose name I found through an organization that facilitates gets. We made small talk while I pressed the buzzer (“You look good.” “You too.” “How are your parents?”) until it became clear that nobody was responding to the buzzing. We called the rabbi’s home number, he answered, and that’s when we learned there was confusion about the time and we would have to reschedule. When we explained that it had taken us over 10 years to make this appointment, the rabbi said he would try to find two witnesses.

THAT’S how it came to pass that we had an hour to kill, and my ex-husband said his partner and children were nearby shopping, so maybe we should have our get-together now.

It’s not often a girl has the chance to have lunch with the man she thought she would have children with and the man he had them with, but the truth is, they were a pretty perfect family without me. I had met my ex-husband’s partner at a Christmas party years earlier and liked him immediately. He was handsome, smart, kind and funny, and whether it was accurate or not, I found it flattering to imagine that he was the male version of me. Now they’d adopted two beautiful boys. As I watched my ex-husband juggle juice boxes and crayons and children’s menus, he smiled and warned: “Get ready.”

When we all arrived at the rabbi’s office, he explained the process might take an hour, so my ex-husband told his family he would call them when we were done.

The rabbi was old, and his two male witnesses were even older. They sat on one side of a table and we sat on the other, and we watched in respectful silence as the rabbi slowly wrote our divorce document by hand, with pen and ink, in Hebrew.

WHEN my ex-husband left to feed the meter, the rabbi fixed me with a stare and asked the question that clearly had been bothering him since we arrived: “Who was that other man who came with you?”

Since I wasn’t sure of the official Orthodox stance on homosexuality, I said it was my ex-husband’s friend.

“And whose children were those?”

I didn’t like where this was going. I asked if this would affect the get process. He said it would not, so I admitted that my ex-husband was gay, and the other man was his partner, and those were their children.

The two ancient witnesses looked at each other. And then the rabbi said flatly, “I think that’s sick.”

“It’s not sick,” I said. “They’re very happy.”

In an unoriginal attempt at a joke, the rabbi said, “Which one is the man?”

“They’re both men,” I said. “They’re both very good men.”

When my ex-husband came back into the room, I felt ill. I had flown cross-country and paid $500 in cash so three old holy men could sit in judgment of him. And the irony was, he was the practicing Jew, not I.

I was fuming, wondering if we should forget the get and get out while the getting was good, when we were informed that our document was complete. We were asked to stand and face each other. And then my ex-husband was asked to look into my eyes and repeat some phrases that meant basically, “With this document, I release you.”

As we stood there, just as we had on our wedding day, he looked even more handsome. And grown-up. And happy. And I thought about why he had married me in the first place. Yes, he loved me, but also, he was probably afraid he would never be able to have a family if he didn’t marry a woman.

Now he had that family without having to compromise who he was. And I thought about what he gave me all of those years ago when he unofficially released me. As much as I hated the heartbreak and longing, my newly single life became the basis of my writing career, which led me to a job as a writer and producer on “Sex and the City,” which led me to New York, which led me to Ian.

And then I thought about how this ridiculous judgmental tribunal is what my ex-husband faces every day, often when he least expects it, and how hard it must have been for him to overcome that judgment in order to be honest with me and himself. So as he dropped the get into my open palms, which made it legally binding, I felt proud of him, and proud of us, for releasing each other to our proper destinies.

“I’m happy you’re getting married,” he said. “Now I can finally stop feeling guilty.”

I told him he had no reason to feel guilty. But he said he couldn’t help it. Some things, I guess, we’re just born with.

Cindy Chupack is the author of “The Between Boyfriends Book.” This essay is adapted from the anthology “Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys,” to be published this month by Dutton.

This is dedicated to my Ex.....The more unattractive one...

Ever wonder why after so many years you’re still not over me
Ever wonder why after so many break ups you’re still not the one for me
Ever wonder why I’ll never look your way,
Ever wonder why my friends actually stay,
Ever wonder why I never struggled on one push up and your still trying so hard to loose your gut,
Ever wonder why I came from nothing but everything you ever have seems to crumble because your always fussing,
Ever wonder why I’ll be working on my Ph.D while you’re still trying figure out the requirements for your degree
Ever wonder why you’re still running back to Jersey (are you sure it’s not because you wanna be with me?)
Ever wonder why you seemed to be so on edge esp. when you were a pledge
Ever wonder why you can’t look me in the eye
Maybe it’s because you’ll probably cry
Ever wonder why all the boys think that I’m so fly and when they look at you they give a fuckin’ sigh…
Anyways man why all the hostility,
Maybe it’s because you wish you looked like me
Nigga you’re such a fuckin’ fool,
No wonder it’s been a while since a guy would actually let you plough your tool,
Ever wonder why its so important to you to hurt me,
But the harder you try it just builds up my immunity,
So this is what I’m saying Sir please give this up
The past is over, it’s said and done,
the conversations were fine,
but the sex was far from
I’ve gone on with my life and so should you, if you can’t accept that then go get you a Shrink boo
I’m tired of this shit I’m a grown man now…
You act like a little boy who’s only thing he knows how to do is bow
So sit behind your desk and convince yourself that you can actually keep your job
It’s usually a matter of time before you get cut for being such a slob
I can’t believe I’m writing this shit..I mean it was fun for me
I guess you’ll just hang around like all the other groupies
It’s so sad..everytime I think of you I simply feel this burning urge to pee
You’re such a bitch-ass nigga…maybe that’s why you act like a fucking flaming Christmas tree
I am just happy in the fact that you’ll never be with me
I’m the best looking nigga you ever had,
That shyt is the truth,
Yeah its real hardcore
So go fuck off you dirty whore…

Goodnight baby....I **** U

Goodnight baby...I **** u...

I thougt of you today...
You controlled me today...
you owned my heart today...
you planted..your thoughts..you mind..your face in my heart today...
you meant everything to me today
you held my hand today..
You held me today...
you gave your heart to me today...
you covered my heart today..
you made my cry today...
you owned my soul today..
you mad me weak today..
you became everything today...
you made me a man today..
you covered me today...
I needed you today...

Goodnight baby..I LOVE U

Do I have to Tell a Nigga How to be a Nigga - Part One

Do I have to tell a nigga how to touch me?
Do I have to tell a nigga how to hold me?
Do I have to tell a nigga when to call me?
Do I have to tell a nigga I'm lonely?
Do I have to feel wrong,
when it ain't strong?
keep my mouth closed?
Can't a nigga from the hood find a homie,
that ain't just tryna hang around me?
Do I have to show a nigga I'm a nigga?
Do I have to apologize for my emotions?
Do I have to tell a nigga what to say to me,
every time he wanna get next to me?
(have fun trying to figure out who the singer is)


This blog entry has been along time in coming but its about time that I write it. Over the year's I've developed unique definition of what man should be. From obvious experience alot of men have a particular problem understanding what ids required of them as men (I'm not just referring to gay men). Today imma take the time to skool 'em.

The funny thing is you should have to tell a nigga how to be a nigger (hope no one is offended by the language) because being a nigga should be innate. Over the past few years I've been approached my so many men all interested in getting a piece of my cherry pie (that has to he be most cunt thing I ever said)..lol..but for real...the dudes on bgc, adam and many other sites have a tendency to ask for a man but not offer a man in return....alot of these "men" are still learning the ropes. Everyone knows the question that usually gets asked somewhere along the line. So what are you looking for? Imma put this out there now that i started back dating and imma state it once and for all so peeps don't have to ask me again.

I'm looking for man, not necessarily a nigga. A real man....not a slightly feminine, I got a log between my legs dude...trying to fit in with the crowd...who are really little weak teenagers who refuse to accept the responsibilities of manhood. Alot of men lack these qualities even the masculine ones. They don't know what it is to be a real man. A real man takes initiative and goes out and gets what he wants. He pursues something until he realises he can't have it. Rejection doesn't make him less of a man, it makes respect the fact that he had the courage to do it.

In a male-male relationship men have to realise that they still have an obligation to exist as men and not half-step things as though they are a female. A gay relationship is nothing more than a deep friendship between two men that want to take things to the next level. To many times men (I use the word men sparingly) use homosexual relationships as a subconscious excuse to relieve themselves of their natural responsibilities. To be frank we use it to act like girls. This defeats the purpose since the point of dating men is do to DATE MEN.

Many gay men are in the midst of gender identity crisis and don't even know it. They think that they are suppose to be courted and sweat off there feet by some dude..NOOOOOO..that not going to happen..a real dude takes the initiative and a real man gives an equal and honest response. That's basic communication. Too many times I hear "So when you gonna take me out?" or "When am I going to see you?"..pointers: when you you see someone you should set up the date not ask them to set it up. Isn't that Commons sense? Correct me if I'm wrong. Setting it up shows hat you have some type of confidence in yourself. Even if the dude is not feeling you like that he will respect you and possibly give you chance and points for being a man. I don't want to keep this too long but there is alot I wanna talk to brothers about. We have gotten to the point where manliness is not manliness any more. Men refer themselves as females, they use female words to describe their body parts and worst of all refer to themselves as either a "husband" or "wife" in a relationship. I mean REALLY people? Is this what's going on today. Don't get me wrong. A dude can be feminine and still be a man. Manliness is defined by strength or mind, character and independence not by how discreet you are in a crowd of straight men. Wake up smell the testosterone!!!

LOOK OUT FOR PART 2

Battle of the Youtube Ciaras - Who won?

Season of Friendship

Wow..2007 is actually turning out to be a pretty good year as expected..I mean even in January such great things are happening already. I mean even today on Sunday Jan. 28th three important people have shown their significance in my life. I'll present the 2 scenarios and go into a bit of detail about my definition friendship which has developed to be extremely unique during the past years.


Names and places have been changed to protect the privacy of each individual:


Scenario 1:

I was chillin with one of my frat. brothers today. We normally hang out a lot and I been putting him on a steady gym routine because he's trynna get right. I also helped him get an extra job on campus. So over a short period of time we've become good friends the funny thing is I never really noticed until he said something today.

So he's joking around with me on some other shyt so I'm finally like nah, step back you on probation. Seeing that I'm a lil mad he says "aww... you want a hung?" I'm like "don't touch me!!!", so he gets the idea and now he feels in lil bad. So he says "aww, you know you my best friend" am I'm like "nah you on the 10-step program now" (which means you probably gonna have to work hard to regain my friendship). Well he is currently still on that 10 step program so I'll see how he does this week. But about a lil while later I thought about it. That was a really nice thing for him to say, I really didn't think I was that important to him..t shows that we may mean much more to people than people think. He talks about me all the time to his family and girlfriend and we also have been hanging out a lot. It felt good to know that he appreciated my friendship so much.

Scenario 3:

Buddy 3: I wanted you to know this. I had this dream I died and you were in it. I really appreciate you being my friend.
Buddy 3: Just want you to know that.
Dwight Lara: oh i felt that
Dwight Lara: aww...i feel SO special
Buddy 3: I really do. I know I say this but I really thought about it and you mean sooooooo much to me.
Buddy 3: Even when you get me a lil mad
Dwight Lara: lol
Dwight Lara: that's kool
Dwight Lara: I'm glad to know that
Buddy 3: My dream was that I died and I never got to say the things I always wanted to say
Buddy 3: to you
Buddy 3: and what not
Buddy 3: The funny thing you were the only one in my dream
Buddy 3: No one else
Dwight Lara: damn
Dwight Lara: that's crazy
Buddy 3: Isn't it.
Buddy 3: It was just so weird. I woke thinking what the hell. I think I've told you pretty much all that I needed to tell you.
Dwight Lara: lol

All of this is significant to me because 2.5 years ago when I just moved to the NYC area, I had no friends. Now exactly what I wanted has been granted to me. Its good to know that so many years of picking and choosing buddies has paid off. The thing is I would do just as much and even more for my friends than they do for me. Most of them don't know how valuable they. I always wanted best friends, now I have several of them. Its a shame they may never really know what my love for them means.


A very happy Special K

Why You Dress Like A Nigga?!!!

I recently went to meet a bunch of my homeboi's (all straight) to chill. Jokingly, as I entered the room, one of them exclaimed, "Why you dressed like an European son?!!!" Now this dude is always getting on me because of the unconventional way I dress, so I responded "Why you dress like a nigga?!!!" lol, don't worry he didn't get offended, it was funny. However, the experience brought up a major point. That little situation is actually the apex of a much deeper issue: how innately ingrained black stereotypes have become in our own culture. Even in the LGBT world peolpe believe that you have to dress a certain way in order ot represent your ethinicity. Don't get me wrong straight people do it too, and even more so; if you're gay, you shop at Hollister, Gap and AX and only wear boxerbriefs lol. People believe that we must dress and act a certain way in order to accurately represent our culture. I hope this message hasn't caught you offgaurd, yes, some people actually do think in this way!!! (big sarcastic gasp).

We also make other black people feel uncomfortable in order to portray as the same stereotype we complain about in the media. We actively contribute to the way other races feel about us. We ourselves believe that black males must be thuggish , wear extremely baggy clothing and own at least one pair of Timbs in order to be considered a straight, attractive black person. Is spending $100 on pair of over-sized jeans normal? I'm not saying I don't where baggy clothing, cuz I in fact do.

The funny thing is, that night I was wearing straight leg jeans, a designer t, a leather biker jacket, a pair of brown leather Clarks (u'all don't know about that, lol, it's a British/Caribbean thing) and a spray painted mesh cap over a stocking cap. If you ask me that's rather diverse, which I tend to go for most of the time. I feel confident in knowing that I can pull of the hood look, the white boi, the clean-cut and the Caribbean look if I wanted to, as I have done before. I believe there is nothing sexier than a dude in a well tailored suite and as shinny pair of Stacy Adams shoes (big grin). I figured I would end this article with some good stores that I have personally approved. Post recommendations in your comments, I'm looking for some new shoppings spots.

I gave approriate discriptions and indicated each stores genre, contact me for specific locations:

Image - Designer clothing: Oscar de la Renta, Gucci, Seven Jeans, True Religion Jeans etc.)
H&M - formal, semi-formal, casual, miscellaneous, GOOD UNDERWEAR!!!
Macy's - Everything
Pac Sun - West Coast/Skater Boi Apparel
Jimmy'z - A West Coast jeans company (there is only one on the East Coast located in Manhattan Mall)
Old Navy (You already know)
Xios (A Japanese clothing company: they sell wearable remakes of high-end fashion clothing)
O.M.G. (only good if your shopping for Levi's Jeans)
V.I.M. - Urbanwear
Spencer's - Strange but unique items, t-shirts, accessories etc.
T.J. Maxx (brand name items a affordable prices)

Tight Shopping Spots:

Woodbury Common (Upstate New York) - Outlet shopping, designer items
125th street and/or Fordham Rd, NY,NY - Urbanwear, Jewelrey
8th Street (The Village) - Good variety of kicks
8th Ave. (between 42nd and 34th) - Urbanwear, kicks, shoes etc.

The best way to make fashion statement is to make your own statement, make it say what you want it to say, not what Sean John tells you to say.

Special K

Boy Friend Running Up Your Long Distance Charges?

Have you ever had a long distance relationship (LDR)? Long distance relationships have been a permanent fixture in my life. So much so that it possibly qualifies me to be an expert on the subject..lol. I have learned the science of these relationships to the point that distance doesn't become an issue anymore...often enough for the people it is still an issue. The question of whether one can be fully satisfied while in a LDR is always a pivotal issue. I've learnt that in true relationships thee question of distance is not matter at all. The most important element of the relationship is the emotional and supportive aspects. If the person is that valuable to you then there wouldn't be the question of emotional satisfaction once communication is sufficient.

Specifically, for men healthy relations consist of slot hectic, deep seated physical contact, (read with some sarcasm) BELIEVE IT OR NOT this is how most men express their feelings!!! How many times a guy runs through your mind naked is directly proportional to the strength and presence of the relationship. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. It's how we were made. Don't get me wrong there is a great difference between lust and passion, lust starts in your crotch but passion starts and is fulfilled in the mind.

So since It takes so much physicality to have a healthy relationship then how can LDR last, especially among gay men? Answer: It is emotional weakness that ends a relationship not physical dissatisfaction. A LDR won't work among immature people and most importantly one has to be able to make the best of the time they have with that person. If you don't satisfy them within the time they have with you then your leaving the gap open for cheating. So make the time and make sure you treat them in a way that they'll never leave because 5 mins with you is worth more than an hour with someone else.

Don't forget, communication is KEY....if you can't communicate then you don't stand a chance..save yourself the heart break...

Special K

Happy Fuckin' New Year!!! - by the end of this year you'll be sucking my dick!!!

Well, what can I say, this is my inaugural post. Whoopee!!! It's been about over a year now that I have been meaning to start my own blog but now in 2007 I finally made enough preparation to produce the kind of human impact I want. I must warn you I tend to be extremely entertaining and thought provoking with a tendency to go over board with my writing. There are so many things I want to say and so many things I’m happy about this year!!! Don't get me wrong, I have had just as much tough year as everyone else possibly more so, however the fact that I am here to today and I have more than what I started with in 2006 shows that I have progressed. Tonight's blog may be an extremely long one. It includes an introduction, brief history, recap of 2006 and prelude to 2007. So sit back and relax and let your mind flow...This is the whole truth and nothing but the truth!!! I swear on Buddha’s grave (-;

Profile
Name: Dwight Lara (alias) (year you wish!!! lol)
Age: 20 immaculate years!!!
Location: NYC: Metro Area, Local: Northern N.J.
Ethnicity: West Indian (Trinidadian)
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 170 pounds.
Occupation: Student (Law & Society Major, Bio. Minor, Pre-Law), Lab Assistant, Upward Bound Tutor/Councilor
Hobbies: Long walks at night in the hood.

The 411
I'm a very ambitious, positive strong character college student with an extreme vision and drive. My friend can vouch for me that I am determined and very business oriented. I'm a go-getter. I get up and get what I want (Why? Because I expect no one will do it for me!!!). I a pragmatist but at the same time dreamer which can at time conflict. I'm very good judged of ones character and I'll often after some evaluation tell you what you never knew about yourself..I take things for what they are. I'm open to criticism but don’t be confused if I challenge an idea or opinion, once something is stated it MUST be adequately defended. THAT'S LIFE!!! I love a challenge but I'm quickly becoming more less interested I that facet of life and becoming more practical in my decisions. If you haven't noticed as yet I'm lawyer in the making. I grew up in Trinidad and relocated (my own decision) to the U.S. in order to receive an education (something I decided to work for and accomplish since I was about 14 years old). I currently have been residing in the NYC area for about 2.5 years. I'm full scholarship student, honor student and student leader in many different positions/areas. I'm really eclectic. I'm not hood, but I’m not a oreo cookie either..I'm not a dork but I can compete intellectually/academically with the best of them...I'm not Tyrese but I'm do turn a few heads..especially if i have my shirt off...lol..I'm not club head but i can hold my own on the dance floor..super clean but not necessarily tidy....I often see both sides of situation and I can formulate a valid opinion on anything.

Past Events
The past year has been amazing, I pledged, I became a senator in the Student Government Association on my campus, secured the position of Social Chairman of my chapter of my Fraternity, planned and executed several events, gained 10 pounds of muscle in the gym (big smile), made good friends, grew stronger, more mature, more focused, developed my character, became smarter, gained more direction an insight on life and became bit more financially stable. Relationship wise I've developed stronger commitments, a better sense of importance and keen radar of valuable character which has allowed me to emulate good qualities.

Pre-view (2007):
Become a member Alpha Phi Delta (a pre-law fraternity)
Buy a car
Secure an internship in a prestigious law firm or company in NYC (and build connections from there)
Begin work on my thesis
Maintain a GPA of 3.5 each semester (or increase)
Continue to improve my visual appearance
Create good work habits
Kiss my new baby on New Year's 2008!!!
With that I'll leave you to enjoy your new year...I'll sit here and enjoy my fake Champaign...that my family is sharing out to the kids..lol...BE SAFE AND FOCUSED THE NEW YEAR!!!

1 luv,

Special K